New Beginnings
by whoknewyou4
Summary: Santana finally got the push she needed to move to New York. She ends up staying at Kurt and Rachel's only to find out that Quinn is moving to New York, as well. Santana's feelings for Quinn start to grow, and she can't figure out why. Does Quinn feel the same spark that Santana does? What will happen now that they're both living in New York City? A/U Quinntana
1. Chapter 1

I remember the day I moved to New York. With one suitcase in tow, I only wanted to bring myself to my new life. Everything else just needed to fall into place like I knew it would, or rather, hoped beyond all logical doubt that it would.

Not saying I enjoyed it, but Brittany gave me the final push I needed to get me out of my comfort zone, something I rarely liked doing. When she told me I needed to be somewhere that was as big and as hot as me, honestly, I was terrified. I was worried that was the inevitable end for us, and the unnerving beginning for me. I remember trying to squirm around the idea for a few moments. She didn't understand the world, yet. I barely understood the world, and I had only been a part of the bigger picture for a few months. How was she telling me what we both knew I needed to do? She really is a genius. It's nice to think that I gave myself that final push into the real world, but I know it was Brittany's determined voice that kicked my ass into the life I knew I truly wanted, scary, exciting, and all.

Moving to New York happened on a whim, even though the thought had always been in the back of my mind. It was a dream I didn't want to tarnish by actually chasing it. I didn't want to ruin such a perfect picture I had painted in my head. Nevertheless, I made my way east to my new home. Luckily, I knew Kurt and Rachel were going to NYADA, so I could have a place to crash for a little bit before I found my own place.

Oh, Kurt and Rachel, what a pair. I didn't necessarily want to live with the two drama queens, but they were just about my only option. I made my way up the two flights of stairs until I got to the door after my long drive from Lima, Ohio. With one loud knock I waited for things to start falling arbitrarily into place.

"What are you doing here?" Rachel asked with confusion. Kurt just stood with his hand on the newly opened door with his mouth gaping open.

"I thought you two needed some extra spice with your sugar," I stated with a smirk. "Man hands! Close Lady Hummel's ridiculous mouth, and let me in."

Rachel gave her brows a furrow before finally taking a step back and letting me inside. Kurt still stood by the door with his mouth open as I passed by him. It took him another few moments before he turned on his heel to ask, "Santana! What are you doi-"

"As I just informed the two of you, I thought you needed some extra zing to your zang, or, well, lack thereof, Teen Gay. I was doing one of my amazingly choreographed cheerleading routines in Kentucky when the two of you popped in my head. Reasons, I know not, but it occurred to me how lonely you saps must be without my charisma and sparkling attitude. So, I decided to come check out the infamous New York City whilst simultaneously bringing you two up to speed on how to live your lives with fire and ambition instead of what you were probably doing. Which I see is eating cornflakes and watching Rent on dvd in your pajamas at 3 in the afternoon on a Saturday."

"We are grateful for your consideration, Santana, albeit unnecessarily rude of how you presented your concern, I don't think we understand why you have a suitcase with you…" Rachel puttered.

"Well, I can't teach the two of you an ounce of what I know in an afternoon, now can I? I figured it would take a few weeks, bare minimum, and some added alcohol to start really teaching you guys how to live without quoting Barbara Streisand or a line from a Broadway musical every ten seconds."

Of course I didn't have to sound so harsh towards them, but I couldn't let them or anyone see any hint of fear in my eyes. Using sarcastic remarks with a hint of meanness attached is usually how I got by without anyone noticing the constant insecurities that plagued me. I would never voice these insecurities intentionally, but it doesn't mean that a tinge of them didn't hang on the edge of my words. I doubt anyone even knew I had any insecurities, except for maybe Brittany and Quinn.

The Unholy Trinity was an exception to everything in my life. Brittany and Quinn had spent so much time around me that they became aware of all of the things I chose not to show and everything I tried to hide. They knew my opinions before I voiced them. They knew my hopes before I desired them. They were the only people I could scream at with the knowledge that they understood I wasn't actually mad at them, but more so mad at myself or a particular situation. They understood things about me that no one else tried to understand. They took the time to figure me out. During high school, I only ever went to them with my problems. In the past two years, though, I went more to Brittany than to Quinn, and I knew it hurt our friendship a little. Distance grew between Quinn and I, and it was easier to make more distance than to close it.

Just thinking about Brittany brought a lump in my throat. I'll always be grateful to her, but it doesn't mean that thinking about her won't make my stomach curl a hundred times over.

Standing here with Berry and someone who may be even gayer than me didn't settle the uncomfortable feelings in my gut. They were both just staring at me, probably waiting for my next insult.

"Okay, guys, as fun as it is to just stand here, I've been traveling for upwards of nine hours, and it would be nice to shower before I take you guys out tonight," I said blatantly.

Rachel pointed around the corner and to the back of the apartment. I overheard them talking as I walked out of the living room towards the bathroom.

"So…is she moving in? Are we letting her move in?" Rachel questioned.

"Well, you know Santana. She kind of just does whatever she likes. Maybe she could spice up our life. I mean, we are lounging around in our pajamas watching Rent on a Saturday afternoon," Kurt explained. "Did she say she was taking us out tonight?"

A smirk played on the left side of my mouth. It was hard to resist me when I lay things out on the table like I do. I could already tell they were going to warm up to my idea while I showered. Taking them out tonight would only convince them more that it was a good idea for me to stay with them. New York is where I really want to be, and as much as I don't want to live with the two of them, they are my only option at the moment. Yes, my mami left me some money, but it will take a while for me to find a place to live that isn't ridiculously expensive and to find a roommate that isn't a complete whacko.

I slid off my tank top and bra before I unbuttoned my jeans. I made sure to grab my phone and plug it in so it could charge while I'm showing. I turned on the shower to a nice warm temperature. Being stuck in a car for more than two hours always makes me feel dirty in a way that only a nice warm shower can fully clean me. The water doesn't just clean my skin, but it washes through all of the thoughts that haunt me in the silence of a road trip. Showers have a way of sifting through everything in my mind, whether it be my goals for the day, stupid feelings I have about a tall blonde, lyrics from a new song I heard on the radio, or where to take two of my friends out tonight to convince them to let me stay in their apartment rent free.

I stepped into the shower and pulled the curtain around to close me off from the world. As soon as the water hit my face, my thoughts went directly to Brittany. It seems like she's always on my mind, it's just a matter of clearing everything else away to see her. The whole drive here I couldn't help but think of her. Behind every song was her voice. Every line on the road made me think of her long legs. It seemed like they went on forever, just like the highway I was on. Each time I saw a sign for a silly attraction I thought about how fun it would be to go see it with her hand clasped in mine.

I put the shampoo in my hair and tried not to think about how she used to wash my hair any time I would spend the night at her house and we would shower after we worked up a sweat. I know she told me to go live my life the way I've always dreamed because she truly believes I can be as amazing as I hoped to be, but I miss her. No, I miss the memories.

Right now, I'm letting her faith in me overpower the excruciating fear I have about living in this humungous city trying to chase my dreams on my own. What are my dreams exactly? I know I love being on the stage in front of hundreds of people singing my heart out. I know I want to leave my mark everywhere for everyone to see. Do I want to go back to school? I love cheerleading, but I don't think I want to do that anymore. It seems too high school. Maybe that's why I didn't enjoy it as much in Kentucky. I enjoy acting. Maybe I could try taking some acting and singing classes somewhere in the city. NYU has a great art program for singing and acting. I definitely don't want to go to NYADA. That place just doesn't seem very me.

The overwhelming thought of not having enough money came into my mind. No matter what I want to do, I'm going to have to have money to do it. I'll need money to live somewhere as soon as I get sick of Kurt and Rachel. I'll need money for classes. The conclusion that I needed to find a job tomorrow was taking over my mind. I don't even know where to begin searching for a job. What kind of job do I want? Better yet, what kind of job can I get on the little bit of experience that I have? Thanks to my drinking skills, I know how to mix drinks pretty well, but I'd probably need to find a place that pays under the table if I tried to work at a bar. I'll need to spend all day tomorrow filling out applications.

As the water started to cool, I realized I had already washed my hair twice and washed my body three times. I turned off the water just as I heard two high pitched squeals coming from the other room. Thinking someone was getting murdered, I ran out of the bathroom clad in just a towel around my chest.

I stopped in the middle of the room to see Kurt jumping up and down like the energizer bunny and Rachel squeezing the life out of the one and only Quinn Fabray. Quinn just stood there chuckling as they took in her appearance. What was she doing here? Annoyance started to grow inside of me as I thought about how their screams ripped me from my bathing experience.

"Are you two serious? It sounded like someone was getting hacked up and killed by the screams you guys made. I thought I was going to have to go all Lima Heights on someone's ass in here," I spoke as Kurt and Rachel turned around to see me grimacing at them, but their smiles never faltered.

"Aw, look, she cares," Quinn smirked. "She was going to kick some ass in just a towel for the two of you. That's so sweet of you, Santana."

It occurred to me that I was only in a towel at that moment. For a split second I got nervous and Quinn saw the look in my eyes before I quickly decided that it didn't matter. I was hot in anything, especially in a white cotton piece of fabric. "Yeah, I am sweet. Sweet enough to not want their blood to get all over my suitcase and this nice sofa while they're being chopped up by some crazy psycho."

Quinn curled her lips up just enough for me to tell she wanted to smile, and I could swear she looked me up and down, taking in the fact that my body was still dripping wet and barely covered by a towel. But she's seen me like this a hundred times after cheerleading practice. Why did it seem like she lingered more than any other time? I let the thought leave my mind.

"Though I've asked this twice today, I'm more excited to ask you. What are you doing here, girl?" Kurt asked excitedly, still jumping up and down.

Rachel released Quinn from her tight hug to stand next to Kurt and listen to Quinn's answer.

"I decided to use those Metro North passes I got for me and Rachel to come visit you guys. Also, I have a surprise for the two of you!"

"Yay!" Kurt squealed. "Wait…you're not pregnant again are you?" Kurt stopped his jumping.

Quinn laughed, "No, I'm definitely not pregnant. Actually, I'm going to be a transfer student at NYU next semester. I'll be living five minutes away from you guys. That is, if I can find a roommate in time. Just another reason for my impromptu visit incase seeing you guys wasn't a good enough reason on its own."

"Of course it's a good enough reason! Oh my goodness, we're so excited you're here!" Rachel decided to take over jumping up and down where Kurt left off.

Feeling a little left out of the conversation, I decided to add my two cents. "Since you're here, and, apparently, going to be staying like I am, you might as well get dressed up because I'm taking these two losers out to celebrate my arrival. You're welcome to come if you like," I added with a devilish smirk.

"I would love to. Thank you, Santana. Gosh, I've never seen you act so nice," Quinn giggled.

"Except for calling us losers," Kurt mumbled before returning his gaze on Quinn and smiling once again.

"Well, then, I'm going to go continue getting ready, like I was doing before I was rudely interrupted. Everyone be ready in a few hours. We're going to have a very memorable night," I grinned.

With that, I turned around and started making my way back to the bathroom. I'm going to make sure everyone thoroughly enjoys themselves to the point of them never wanting me to leave. It shouldn't be too hard to do.

As I closed the door of the bathroom I saw my phone light up with a text message. I tripped over my dirty clothes that I laid on the floor and dropped my towel as I picked up my phone to read my message.

QUINN: Nice towel, S. You going to explain why you're here when you take me out later tonight?

A weird feeling washed over me as I read the text.

SANTANA: Well, I'm not wearing the towel anymore because I tripped getting to my phone to read your text. Thanks for that. I'll only tell you if you buy me shots.

QUINN: lol I'm glad I could help you get naked. ;) First round is on me, but then you're buying! Hurry up! I can't wait to hear how you ended up staying at Kurt and Rachel's place.

If anyone else had been in the bathroom with me they would have seen my face blush and a stupid smile plaster my face. Wait, what am I thinking? I can't blush over the thought of Quinn getting me naked, however appealing it may seem. I've already had my heart punched by one blonde; I don't need another one coming along and doing the same. Yet, I still couldn't get the smile to wipe off my face.

I decided to distract myself with plans of tonight. I heard of this great club on the radio on my way over that advertised ladies getting in for free, and you didn't have to be 21, not that that matters since I have a fake I.D. and all, but I'm sure it will help Kurt and Rachel. I'll probably have to get them fakes before the end of the week. All to help convince them to let me stay. It'll be worth it. I have a feeling tonight is going to go spectacularly, especially, if Quinn is there.


	2. Chapter 2

I was still in the bathroom finishing up my make-up when I heard Quinn yelling for me to hurry up and come into the living room. I took one final look in the mirror after I finished up my mascara. My outfit was perfect for going out. I was wearing a tight black dress with slim straps. The dress ended about mid-thigh. It wasn't too short, but it wasn't too long, either. The strapless bra I was wearing combined with the low cut of the dress allowed for a decent amount of cleavage to show. I wore black leather boots that ran up my shin with a zipper, cut off a few inches before my knees. My hair was straightened, and I wore dark eye shadow to go with my ensemble.

I walked into the living room to see Rachel in some ridiculous blue sundress with yellow flowers on it. Whatever, she can wear what she wants, but I doubt she'll be getting any from anyone. Kurt was wearing a dark blue button up and slim tie with a nice pair of tight jeans. He looked casual and laid back with a sense of respectability.

"Finally! I thought you were going to take at least another century before you were done getting ready," Quinn exasperated as she came from around the kitchen with four shots in her hands.

Wow. Quinn looked phenomenal. Her outfit was simple, yet stunning. She wore a tight fitting purple V-neck t-shirt that accentuated the curves of her sides up to her breasts. She had a nice pair of black skinny jeans to go with her loose laced Chuck Taylors. Her hair was down and in waves that curved around her face. I was definitely going to need a shot to let out some of the nerves I was accumulating from just looking at Quinn.

"You - you look great, Quinn," I stuttered. Quinn looked at me with a sheepish smile before handing me a shot of what I presumed to be Tequila. Kurt and Rachel gladly took their shots before Quinn said she forgot the limes and salt.

"Don't worry about it. I'll get them," I reassured Quinn. She gave me that smile, again. What is that smile? Right after the side of her lip curls up, she looks down nervously. I've never seen her give that smile to anyone before.

I walked past her into the kitchen to grab tequila's best friends. When I came back into the living room, I passed everything out while instructing that you lick the salt first and then sucked on the lime last. Knowledge I'm sure Kurt and Rachel have been oblivious to for their entire lives. Kurt and Rachel looked at each other before licking the salt off of the other's hand and taking the shot and putting a lime in the other's mouth. Quinn and I laughed at the pair of them making faces as the alcohol went down their throats. It only seemed fitting that Quinn and I take the shots the way Kurt and Rachel did. I poured salt on my hand as Quinn did the same. We grabbed each other's hand, and I took a breath before I licked the salt off her skin. For some reason, I felt a little nervous. As she licked my hand, I felt it burn. We downed our shots and grabbed the lime from each other and sucked. The alcohol stung, but I could still feel my hand burning from where Quinn's tongue had just been.

We all took another shot, and I felt a bit dizzy. I'm not sure if it was the alcohol or the way Quinn licked salt off of my skin for the second time that made the room spin, but I decided that it was time for us to go to Shadow's, the club I had heard about earlier that day.

We made our way to the club and saw that there was an extremely long line that wrapped around the side of the building. Rachel and Kurt looked nervous, but I reassured them that there was nothing to worry about. I gave Quinn a look and she nodded as if to say she understood. Quinn and I walked up to the bouncer with Kurt and Rachel in tow. We gave our signature smiles and a flip of our hair just like we used to do in cheerleading. Quinn laid her hand on the small of my back. The touch on my back took me by surprise. I knew we were going to flirt our way into the club, but I didn't expect her to touch me during the process. I expected her to touch the bouncer.

"Aw, sweetie, I forgot to call James to get him to put our names on the list," Quinn spoke loud enough for the bouncer to hear. She leaned in towards me and placed a lingering kiss on the side of my neck. It felt like I had taken a few more shots than just the two in the apartment. I gulped loudly before I remembered I was supposed to be playing along with her.

"Oh, honey, that's fine. I'm sure this nice guy would love to let us in. Who could deny your rocking body when you want to dance?"

The bouncer looked at us with a big grin and let us in. He didn't even make Kurt pay. We scrambled inside as I made my way to the bar to get us some drinks.

I returned with four shots to hear everyone laughing. "I guess you're an honorary girl, since you didn't have to pay to get in, and it is ladies night, Kurt," Quinn said.

"You're just now finding out I'm an honorary girl?" Kurt jested.

I passed out the shots and we all took it quickly, Rachel coughing after hers went down.

Quinn grabbed my hand and pulled me to the dance floor. I was more than eager to follow her. I have no idea what song started playing; all I could feel was Quinn pressing her body into mine. The song started off slow, but my pulse was already racing. I could still feel the burn on my hand from where she licked me and the fire on my neck from where she kissed me. Something about her mouth was electric. She moved her hands down to my waist and started grinding into me as the music picked up.

Rachel and Kurt found us on the dance floor with another round of shots. How they got the shots, I have no idea, but then again, I didn't really care. I couldn't think of anything but Quinn's skin on mine. She stepped back from me as she took the shot from Kurt and threw it back. I did the same. With that shot and the few before, I started to loosen up a little. Kurt grabbed Rachel and they started to dance as Quinn grabbed my waist again to pull me in closer. Feeling more courageous, I put my hands around Quinn's neck and rolled my body against her to the beat of the music. The room started to get a little hazy, so I closed my eyes and pushed my body further into Quinn.

I could feel her rubbing her hands up and down my body. First, my waist, then to my abs, and to the small of my back. Her touch lit a fire in me that I hadn't felt since Brittany. I needed to get closer to her. I turned my back and placed my hands on her sides as she reached around my front. Each time the music swelled, I would push myself more into her. Her hands drifted to my thighs as I bent over. All I could feel was the music begging me to let her take control of me. I lifted my body back up and turned my head to the side as I felt her lips on my neck once again.

A moan escaped my lips. Thankfully, the music was pulsing too loudly for her to hear. The action caught me off guard. I'm not used to letting my body make noises I'm not expecting. I turned around to look at her. She looked like she was in a dream. Her eyes were closed, and she moved effortlessly to the music.

I saw Rachel from the corner of my eye dancing with some Abercrombie model. How she managed that, I have no idea. I laughed a little in surprise as I saw him lean down and kiss her while they were dancing. She seemed completely taken aback from the kiss, but kept it going, regardless. Oh, I am so staying at her place rent free. There's no way she can tell me no now that I took her to a club where some mannequin man made out with her.

I decided I needed a break. My skin still burned from where Quinn touched and kissed me. Quinn saw me as I walked to the bar and followed.

"Hey, you said you would tell me what you're doing here in New York. Buy you another shot?" Quinn asked.

"Yeah, better make it a double, though," I replied with a hesitant smile. I really didn't want to tell her what or who prompted me to come to New York, but knowing Quinn, there's no way I could get out of the conversation. I sat down at a table away from the bar and the dancing so that she could actually hear me when I explained everything.

Quinn came over with a double shot of whiskey for the both of us. I took mine as soon as she set it on the table in preparation for the following conversation. She swallowed her alcohol, grimacing as it burned her throat,

"Okay, so I'll make this short and sweet and to the point. Brittany told me to go live my life and follow my dreams. She pretty much said to be free, move on, and live my life doing the things that will make me happy. I took that as a kick in my ass to finally come to New York, since I've always dreamed of living here. Rachel and Kurt are the only people I know here. Hopefully, tonight will convince them that I can stay at their place until I find something for myself. Ugh, I need another shot."

I left the table and went to the bar to get us another round. I came back and Quinn looked at me with a curious gaze.

"So, are you and Brittany over," Quinn asked hesitantly.

I set her shot down, and I took my shot of tequila and sucked on my lime as I nodded. "Yeah, I guess we are. She made it pretty clear she was with Sam. I knew our relationship wasn't working ever since I went to Kentucky, but I still had some sort of hope, you know?"

Quinn just looked at me. She was used to me rambling on when I got drunk. She knew I had more to say.

"It's stupid. I love her. Loved. I loved her. No, I still love her, but I don't think I want to be with her. We're at different places. It took her telling me I could move to New York to actually come out here, and I'm more than appreciative. It just wouldn't have worked between us. She was right. I need to be chasing after everything that scares me, and she doesn't scare me, anymore. Her memory just hurts."

"Sounds like someone has matured. I always had a feeling you wanted to go to a big city that could fit your big ego. I'm proud of you. Don't worry about your feelings for Brittany. It won't hurt forever. Your head will definitely hurt tomorrow, though," she laughed. "Oh, and I'm pretty sure Rachel will let you stay at her place. Have you seen her at all tonight? She's been macking on some model! And you know Kurt doesn't care. You add spice to their life."

"Oh my God! That is so, so what I said to them. Sugar and spice. I'm feisty, bringing fire to their life!" I slurred.

She giggled and tucked her neck down to her shoulder in the most adorable way. I got up and grabbed her hand to take her to the dance floor. All I wanted right now was to feel her on me, again. Telling her about Brittany wasn't as bad I thought it would be. I surprised myself when I said that I didn't think it would work with her anymore. I didn't even realize I felt that way until the words came out.

I pulled her against me on the dance floor. My movement wasn't graceful to say in the least, but Quinn didn't seem to mind. Kurt ran up behind me and screamed in my ear how much fun he was having. We all looked over at Rachel who was still dancing with the guy that looked like he stepped out of a fucking magazine. She looked over at us staring and pulled the guy with her as she danced over.

"Hey! You guys, this is Brody! He goes to NYADA, too!" Rachel looked overly excited and a little bit drunk. What a light weight, but who am I to judge when I'm a little tipsy myself. She crashed into me and hugged me until I fell back into Quinn.

As much as I didn't care for Rachel holding onto me, I was thankful to be closer to Quinn. "Does this mean I can stay?" I asked Rachel. Rachel screamed yes and turned back to Brody to continue dancing. I looked over at Kurt, who was trying his best to sexy dance, and to Quinn who couldn't stop laughing at his failed attempts. I felt genuinely happy that my friends were enjoying themselves so much.

At that moment, the music blaring in my ears, my friends dancing and laughing, and with the realization that I was officially living in New York City, bravely chasing after my dreams, whatever they may be, I couldn't help but smile like I did when I first fell in love. I felt that first spark of a new beginning.

I'm sure I looked absolutely ridiculous, tipsy with a goofy smile plastered on my face. I had the sudden urge to run outside and feel the air on my skin.

I took one last look at Kurt, Rachel, and Quinn before I bolted out of the club. I found myself in the ally around the corner from the door. There was a fire escape on the side of the building, and I decided to climb up to the roof. I turned around when I heard my name in the dark.

"What are you doing?" Quinn laughed as I made my way up the ladder.

"It's too good of a night to not see the stars from the best view I can get to," I simply replied.

She looked at me a little confused before walking towards the fire escape where I was mid climb.

"Well, are you going to move or do I have to push you up the entire way," she asked with a smile.

I couldn't help but laugh at her going along with my seemingly drunk idea. After what felt like ten minutes of drunkenly climbing a fire escape, we were on the roof. I stared at the sky before I realized I couldn't make out any stars. I frowned a little. I guess Quinn noticed because she said, "It's because there are so many city lights. That's why you can't see the stars, but the view is still pretty, though." I forgot how much she could tell what I was thinking before I spoke it. It felt good to have someone know me so well. Ever since Brittany and I had broken up, I hadn't had anyone that simply knew me. I smiled at her, again. "Yeah, the view is pretty fantastic."


	3. Chapter 3

By the time we got back to Kurt and Rachel's place it was almost two in the morning. Kurt was dancing all around the sofa bed as he put the sheets and pillows in place.

"Okay, girls! Your bed is ready!" Kurt sang and stumbled as Quinn and I laughed at how obviously drunk he was. Rachel came over and hugged Quinn and I before saying she was going to bed. Kurt followed suit and gave us hugs and kisses on the cheek before sauntering off into his bedroom.

Quinn got on the bed and threw one of the pillows at me. Luckily, I caught it in time before it hit me in the face.

"Hey! Don't mess with the money maker," I yelled as I hopped down onto the bed beside her and stretched my legs out. I tossed her pillow back to her.

She laid down and giggled as she looked up at the ceiling. I had sat close to Quinn multiple times before, but lying next to her now, I could feel my heart beating out of my chest. My thoughts went back to earlier in the night when she burned my skin from the tequila shots, the dancing, and the kisses on my neck. I let out a long breath.

She lifted her head up from the bed and stared at me. I met her gaze and felt my breathing catch. I had this urge to touch her face, to be closer to her. I could feel myself getting more and more nervous by the second.

We stared at each other for a while, but it wasn't awkward. It was as if we were remembering how great of friends we were and all of the happy memories we shared. It was like we were forgetting about all of the time we spent apart, and we were putting our friendship back together simply by looking into each other's eyes.

"Remember that night during cheerleading camp when we snuck out to go look at the stars? Brittany kept telling us we'd get in trouble, but you were ruthless." Quinn chuckled. "Nothing was going to stop you from seeing that meteor shower."

"And nothing did stop me from seeing that meteor shower," I smirked.

"You always did have an affinity with the stars. You should see the expression on your face when you're staring up at them. You look amazed and worried and vulnerable all at the same time," Quinn said lightly.

I didn't know she had been looking. "The sky is just so mesmerizing at night. The stars that we see are already dead, but they're burning so bright from so far away that we assume they're still alive. I just feel like them sometimes. People only see me on the surface. They think I'm burning so bright that I couldn't possibly be hurting inside."

I blinked a few times as it hit me what I just said, what I had just revealed to Quinn. No one is supposed to know that I hurt inside, no matter how much I may want them to see through my façade. "I mean, they're awesome because they're so bright and stuff," I mumbled, trying to cover up my admission of feelings.

"You're not fooling me, San. I always figured you liked stars for a deeper reason than the ones you always try to give, like 'they're so pretty' or 'you can make wishes off of them'. You think about more complex stuff than you ever let anyone know."

"For the record, they _are_ really pretty, and you _can_ make wishes off of them," I huffed. Not correcting her was my way of letting her know that it was okay that she know I thought about other stuff besides the mundane. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing for someone to finally see the thoughts inside my head that cause the angry words to come out of my mouth. After all, my insecurities tend to stem from the frustrations of people not understanding what goes on in my mind. People have never really taken the time to see why I see things the way I do. After a while, I decided that if no one was going to take the time to care, then I wasn't going to, either.

Quinn's eyes lightened a bit as she looked at me. We rested our elbows under our arms as we turned more towards each other while we talked. A gentle smile started to form on her mouth. I couldn't help but smile back. It felt so easy and comfortable to lay here with Quinn.

"I'm always wondering what you're thinking when you get quiet like this. I can tell you're soaking in what I just said, but I can never tell how I make you feel. Sometimes, I'll say something, and you'll explode and slap me. Other times, you'll stay silent and just look at me with so much emotion that I don't know what you're going to do next. You'd think I'd have you figured out by now, but some of your walls are far too high for any one person to climb. One day you're going to have to lift me up from down here so I can see the view you do."

I didn't realize she concerned herself with my feelings so much. I tried to keep my face from showing any emotion. I didn't want her to know how happy it made me to know she gave even a little bit of time to try and figure me out.

A strand of hair fell across my cheek, and she lifted her hand to my face to tuck it neatly behind my ear. She let her hand linger on my cheek. I wanted to reach up and put my hand on hers, but then she would know I wanted to touch her. I didn't need to give Quinn any impression that I wanted to be closer to her. If she knew I wanted her she could easily leave. I wasn't even sure if I wanted Quinn. I just knew I liked being close to her. I couldn't handle any sense of rejection so close after Brittany. I coughed nervously, and she pulled back, laying her hand back on the bed.

She smiled weakly at me. "Sorry, San, I know you're still hurting from Brittany. I didn't mean to…" she trailed off.

Didn't mean to what? What is she talking about? How did she know Brittany had flashed through my mind?

"You didn't mean to what, Q?" I asked, perplexed.

Her gaze shifted, and she looked down towards her idle hand, now laying between us on the bed.

"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," Quinn whispered.

"You could never make me uncomfortable. What would make you think that?"

"Nothing. Just a fleeting thought." She smiled again like she hadn't just seemed nervous for some reason. "Remember that time in Glee club when you and Puck loosened all of the screws in Mr. Schue's chair?" Quinn giggled.

My lips curled up as I remembered Mr. Schue falling on the floor while everyone laughed, and Puck and I pounded our fists in accomplishment.

"He said he had a bruise on his ass for over two weeks," I laughed.

I knew there was still something up with Quinn, but I decided not to push it. I didn't want to try and figure out my feelings, either.

Maybe it was the alcohol from earlier in the night that still made my body heat up every time Quinn would giggle or slap me on the arm after a funny memory made its way into our conversation or maybe it was just being this close to her.

Soon enough we became too tired to talk. I watched as Quinn's eyes became too heavy for her to keep them open. She looked beautiful when she slept. The way her body would rise with each gentle breath made me want to wrap her up in my arms. I had never really seen Quinn like this before. She looked so elegant and peaceful. I've always looked past her towards Brittany, but now, with her here lying beside me, I couldn't help but love everything my eyes took in. Her hair was messy, but in a cute way that fell across the freckles on her face. She slept on her side with her legs tucked up against her. If I didn't know how strong she was, I could've sworn she looked almost fragile.

I fell asleep to the image of Quinn moving her body just an inch closer to mine in her sleep.

"Don't eat all of the pancakes. You have to leave some for Quinn and Santana." I stirred at the sound of Rachel's voice saying my name. Pancakes, were there pancakes?

"But they're not even up, yet," Kurt pleaded. "Please, just one, no, two more."

"Fine, Kurt, but you're making the next batch when you're done scarfing those down."

"Done deal!" Kurt said excitedly.

I opened my eyes and turned my head to face Quinn. She was still asleep. I could feel that her arm was drawn around my waist under the covers. Something, I hoped Kurt and Rachel hadn't noticed. I couldn't help but feel completely comfortable in that moment with Quinn wrapped around me. Just as I closed my eyes to bask in the moment, I felt Quinn's gaze on me. I peeked one eye open at her, and she giggled.

"Morning, sleepy head," Quinn whispered as she took her arm from my waist and stretched her limbs.

I sighed at the loss of contact, but felt my breath hitch in my throat at the sight of her arching her back and hearing her moan in pleasure at her awakened muscles.

"Morning," I coughed.

The covers slipped off of her body as she sat up, and I couldn't help but stare at the slip of tone abs that was showing between her sweat pants and tank top.

"Hm, San, you like what you see?" Quinn smirked.

"Uh, yeah, you just, um, there's something on your shirt," I stammered.

"Really, where?" Quinn laughed and pulled up the side of her shirt a little further. "What is it? Where is it, S?" She lifted up the other side of her shirt so that the line of her hip bones was showing all the way up to her navel.

"Um, I think it was just a fuzz or something. It, it looks like it fell off when you, um, moved your shirt," I stuttered.

She smiled at me as she got up from the bed to walk towards the kitchen. "What smells so good, you guys?" Quinn asked on her way to the stove. "Mmm, pancakes! I love pancakes! Come on, San, we can split the last one."

I got to the table where Kurt and Rachel were sitting and Quinn sat down next to me with a plate, one pancake, and two forks. I poured the syrup on our pancake while she cut it into pieces.

"So, what are you ladies up to today?" Kurt questioned.

"I've got to check out the apartment I'm leasing next semester. It looks great online, but I still want to check it out in person," Quinn answered.

"What about you, Santana?" Rachel murmured between bites of her vegan friendly breakfast.

"I guess I need to go looking for a job. I was thinking that I might want to take some classes, and that takes money that I don't seem to have at the moment."

"Well, why don't you come with me to the apartment, and then we can drop by some places and fill out some applications?" Quinn asked.

I nodded as Kurt and Rachel got up in unison, taking their dirty dishes to the sink. "Well, ladies, it's been a nice breakfast, and I had a wonderful time last night, but I'm afraid Rachel and I have a lovely Sunday rehearsal for Funny Girl. We probably won't be back until later. Quinn, I'm leaving you the key. I trust you with it far more than I trust Santana," Kurt laughed and gave me a wink.

"Hey, Rachel said I was a permanent member of this apartment so I'll be getting my own key soon enough. You know I'll only bring excitement into our so far humble abode," I winked back.

* * *

We walked down the unfamiliar streets I had always dreamed of, and Quinn reached for my hand. I smiled when she interlaced her fingers with mine. We've held hands before, but this time my entire arm heated up at the action. She gave me a quick smile before running towards an apartment building. I felt like I would follow her anywhere.

She pulled me up three flights of stairs before she got to a door marked 3B. The B was slightly slanted. It comforted me in a way because I've always liked things that aren't quite perfect.

"Are you ready?" She asked with a big smile.

She didn't need to ask me. I was ready as soon as I saw her. I was ready as soon as she looked at the stars with me on a rooftop above our drunken friends. I was ready when I remembered how comfortable it was to simply lay with her and talk. I was ready when she grabbed my hand and my heart pounded out of my chest.

I don't know if it was being in a completely new place that made me see Quinn in such a different light or if it was the fact that Brittany was always around to cloud my vision of her, but something had changed in the way I saw her smile and the way I felt her words dig into my bones as she spoke.

"Yeah, I'm ready. Show me what you got."

She pulled a key out of the pocket of her jeans and put it into the lock. It took a few jiggles and a few cute grunts before the key finally turned and she opened the door.

We walked into a small living room with a quant kitchen to the left. To the right was a short hallway leading to two bedrooms and a bathroom. The floors were hardwood, which automatically made me want to take my shoes off and slide across them in my socks. There were windows in each room that gave a view of the surrounding street.

"Don't you just love it? I know it's not that big, but it feels so comfortable." Quinn walked into the first bedroom and invited me in. "So, this would be my bedroom. I'm going to push my bed into the middle and move my dresser over there," she pointed to the far wall.

"I like it. You haven't even moved here, yet, and you've already found a nice place to live. Kudos to you, Q. I moved out here without even looking for a place. Probably wasn't my smartest move, but I couldn't wait any longer," I said with a hint of excitement.

"I like how you can just get up and do anything. I always have to plan. Sometimes, I hate that about myself. I can't just go out and do what I want without analyzing it a thousand times over." Quinn walked over to the window as she continued. "It's why I've always been a little jealous of you. You do things with you heart, not always your mind."

It was endearing, everything she said. I always thought of myself as being impulsive, but not in a good way, but hearing her talk about me like that made me smile.

She turned back to me with a curious look on her face that made my knees grow weak.

"I don't officially move in until next month when the new semester starts. I need to find a roommate before then. The rent is cheap, and we're really close to campus. There are a lot of great restaurants and coffee shops around. I don't know why anyone wouldn't want to live here." She walked out and into the other bedroom.

"Yeah, Quinn, it's really awesome," I replied as I followed her.

"This room is great. The window leads out to a fire escape that leads up to the roof. Great for star gazing, if you ask me." Her smile grew even more curious. "I know you don't want to be living with Kurt and Rachel forever."

I gave her a puzzled look, wondering if she was going where I thought she was going with this conversation.

Living with Quinn would be amazing. We're already great friends, and we know about each other's ridiculous living habits since we spent every summer as roommates at cheerleading camp. I was thinking about taking a few classes at NYU, and it's just around the corner, like she said. Not to mention, just being close to Quinn had my pulse racing. Being asleep in the room next to hers every night made me a little light headed, but I encouraged the thought.

"Are you asking me to live with you, Q?" I asked with a smirk, "Because I don't know if you could handle all of this awesome every day of the week."

She gave a small laugh, "Well, you need a place to live, and I need a roommate. I've been thinking about it since yesterday. Normally, I wouldn't go into such a big decision on such short notice, but your impulsivity has inspired me. I mean, really, how long do you think it would last with you and Kurt and Rachel?"

She did have a point there. My answer was yes. She didn't have to give me any other reasons.

"What kind of friend would I be to deny you an idea I inspired?" I giggled and ran over to her to give her a hug.

She placed her hands on my lower back as mine wrapped around her neck. My head fit perfectly on her shoulder and up against her neck. She smelled amazing, like honey and vanilla and a hint of some sort of familiar flower I couldn't quite put my finger on.

She squeezed me harder before she pulled her head back to look at me. I couldn't remember a time when someone really looked into my eyes. Most people were too scared or didn't care enough to look me directly in the eyes like she was doing now. Her eyes were a perfect shade of hazel, the green causing me to look deeper. I must have been staring for longer than I thought because she looked down and giggled as she released her grasp.

"Good, it's settled then. I have to go back to school for finals tomorrow, but you can have my copy of keys until we get you a set of your own."


	4. Chapter 4

**This is my first fanfic ever. I'm hoping that it doesn't suck. =J**

**For everyone who has followed, reviewed, and favorited, THANK YOU! It absolutely makes my day! I hope I don't let you guys down.**

* * *

Since Quinn was leaving for school, I decided not to go job hunting just yet. I didn't want to miss any time with Quinn that was possible. I'd only been around her for a few days, and it felt like she was taking over my mind. Every time she looked my way, my heart either started racing or stopped completely. Any time she brushed past me and her skin brushed up against mine, I couldn't help but feel like my body was being awakened. She brought this heat that radiated through every inch of my being, and I instantly fell in love with it. I loved her hazel eyes that grew a little greener in the sunlight and darkened when she thought of something mischievous. I loved the way she laughed whenever I made a comment about kicking anyone's ass. I loved how in just a month I would be sharing an apartment with her. It felt like I could never get sick of Quinn.

Even though I knew my feelings for Quinn were becoming less and less platonic, it still threw me off guard when I couldn't get rid of the ache in my chest when I thought about Quinn going back to college. All I kept thinking was that it would be a whole month before I would be on the receiving end of her beautiful smile that always managed to make me feel like I was floating.

"Are you coming, S? We've got to get your suitcase to move you in here, and I've got to get ready to go back to Yale, but I thought we'd get something to eat first." Quinn walked up behind me and placed her hands on my shoulders. I was looking out the window of my new room. This was going to be my view every day. It was beautiful, but having her hands on me made it that much better.

I turned around to see her smiling back at me.

"Yeah, Q, I'm coming." I was just letting everything soak in.

* * *

We got back to Kurt and Rachel's that night, coming in the door laughing.

"He was so checking you out, Santana. He wanted to make some serious babies with you," Quinn giggled.

"Don't even say that! I don't even want to think about that!" I cringed.

"Oh, how things have changed since junior year. You are capital G gay, my friend."

"Damn straight, I am!" I yelled before we both curled over from an exuberant amount of laughter and fit of giggles.

"Santana, straight? She's about as straight as _I_ am," Kurt let out.

"I take that as a compliment, Kurt, thank you."

"An actual compliment! How many does that make since I got here, S? What, like five?" Quinn threw a smirk my way.

"I blame you, Quinn. But I promise you that I am still as badass as ever. Do not fret. I will always be here to smack you with the truth lest you forget it," I smirked back.

I sat down at the table while everyone continued to laugh. What? I was a total badass. Maybe, I was just a little happier now, still a complete badass, though.

"How was your dinner," Rachel asked.

"It was delicious and perfect, despite our waiter hitting on San the entire time. I was two seconds away from kissing her just to make him back off." I almost choked on the water I was drinking at the mention of her lips on mine. Just imagining her lips close to me was more than I could handle.

I bet her lips are softer than anything I've ever felt.

"You should have. I doubt Santana would have minded. Look at you, Quinn. No one could say no to you," Kurt stated with a devilish smirk aimed towards Quinn that she ignored.

I would definitely not have minded. I could never say no to her. Kurt was right. I don't think anyone could say no to her. I don't think anyone could resist her smile that pulls at you or her eyes that draw you in.

I let the image of Quinn kissing me flood my mind as a dopey look came across my face.

Kurt looked at me with a grin. "Oh, yeah, Santana definitely wouldn't have minded at all."

Hearing my name brought me out of my daze before Quinn looked over to see why he made the comment. Luckily, I had just enough time to shake the stupid look off of my face before she noticed. Kurt just laughed.

I glared at Kurt. "It's a good thing I don't have to deal with your musings any longer, Kurt. Thanks to Q here, I have a new place to stay. I know, I know, you'll both miss the crap out of me. Don't worry, I'll visit."

"You're leaving us? But you just got here," Rachel frowned.

I didn't expect that response.

"Yeah, we had such a great time last night. You're still going to take us out, right?" Kurt asked.

Quinn gave me a sweet smile as she could tell I was surprised by their reactions. Honestly, I didn't think it would affect them in the least that I wasn't going to be living with them. I guess I was wrong.

"Yes, I promise to still take you guys out. As long as Rachel promises not to make out with some mannequin man, again."

Rachel looked down and started playing with her hands. Kurt just let out a simple chuckle.

"Well, actually, Brody asked me out for dinner once school goes on break," she whispered.

I furrowed my brow a little, but decided that he was better than Finnocence. How bad could he be?

I just "hmpfed" in response to let her know I didn't prefer it, but I wasn't going to go all Lima Heights on her decision. Who knows, he might be good for her. She might even stop wearing those silly outfits of hers.

"Well, guys, I hate to just get here and leave, but finals are calling my name, and I've still got to set Santana up at our lovely new apartment."

Our apartment. That had a really nice ring to it. I just wanted to say it over and over in my head. Our apartment.

"I'll get your bag and my suitcase while you do your mushy hugs and stuff with Rachel and Kurt."

I got up from my seat and made my way into the living room. I grabbed our respective belongings, along with some of Kurt's ridiculously soft towels and came back into the kitchen to see Kurt and Rachel squeezing the life out of Quinn, while she squinted her eyes shut and smiled. I have to say, it was one of the most adorable things I'd ever seen, not that I think anything is adorable. Maybe Quinn can be an exception to that rule. She breaks a lot of my other rules, so why not just one more.

After a few high pitched squeals and more squeezing, the pair finally released Quinn. Kurt and Rachel turned around to look at me with a sneaky smile.

"Oh, no. We are not hugging. I repeat, we are not hugg-" was all I got out before the two launched themselves at me. I sighed, but relented when I could tell they weren't going to let me go until I hugged them back.

I'm pretty sure I heard Quinn chuckle, but I couldn't look past Kurt to tell.

Eventually, they let me go, but with a sigh.

I'm glad I wouldn't be living with those dorks, but a part of me would miss not being able to terrorize them any chance I got. At least I could still come over whenever to slap some sense in them, if need be.

Quinn and I walked outside after we said our goodbyes and I promised to come see them rather soon.

"Oh, here, let me carry my bag," Quinn said as she reached over my shoulder.

"No, no, I got it," I simply stated as I moved her bag out of her reach.

"Well, aren't you just the gentleman," she stated with the arch of an eyebrow.

"Only for you, Q. Only for you."

It was true; only for her did I not care that I was being so chivalrous. I liked doing things for Quinn. I always had. I'm only just now noticing that I always had, but the fact remained the same. Maybe I've always liked Quinn, and it took Brittany not being around for me to finally see. There's a thought.

We made it back to our apartment, and I knew as soon as we walked in the door I didn't want Quinn to leave. I was just starting to really see her. I didn't want that to go away. I didn't want to have to miss her perfect hair that brought out her beautiful, hazel eyes. I didn't want to have to miss the way her laugh instantly made me smile. I didn't want to have to miss the fact that every time I saw her hands, I automatically wanted to hold them in mine. But I knew I would, if just for a month until she got back.

"Okay, here are my keys. Feel free to make yourself your own copy. If I come back and this place is trashed I am so kicking you out. I've already paid the rent for this month, so you don't have to worry about that. Do you need anything before I leave?"

I couldn't help the thought that ran through my mind: for you to stay.

"Um, no, I think I have everything I need. I have all of the essentials, and I stole some of Kurt's really soft towels before we left," I chuckled. "I think I'm set."

"Good, well, I've got to get going. Got to get to those finals so I can actually transfer and come back here." A smile grew on her face, and I couldn't help the one that tugged on my lips.

God, she was so beautiful. I think I could stare at that smile for days. How it starts off small, but ended up reaching to her eyes. It's the look of pure happiness. I wonder how she came across something like that so easily, but it's so contagious that I wonder how I never caught onto it before.

We both leaned in at the same time to give each other a hug. I reached down for her waist as she reached up for my neck. She fit so perfectly in my arms. I let my head rest once again at the crook of her neck, soaking her in. She still smelled like those flowers that I couldn't quite remember the name of. It felt like I could get lost in her scent alone, but her warmth is what really made me want to stay. It's like all of the heat in her body traveled into mine. If people said their bed is the most comfortable thing, they've never been held by Quinn Fabray.

We stood there for a while, and I could've sworn that I heard her sigh and relax into me a little more than our usual hugs. That could've been wishful thinking, though.

After another minute or so, she let go of her hold on me and took a small step back.

"Alright, if I don't leave now, I never will." There's that smile, again.

"Text me when you get back?"

"Of course. Remember, no crazy parties – without me."

"I'll make sure to send you an invitation," I laughed.

One more quick hug and she turned around to leave. I closed the door behind her and let myself acknowledge the fact that it would only be a month until I got to see her again. That wouldn't be too hard. Maybe I could figure out what and why I'm feeling what I am in the meantime.

I walked into my new room and decided I needed to shower, since that's where I did all my best thinking.

* * *

Quinn got to the end of the street and sat down on a nearby bench. Why couldn't she get Santana out of her head? Honestly, she's never been able to get her out of her head, but it's been more intense the past few days. She didn't expect to see her at Kurt and Rachel's, let alone ask her to be her new roommate. What was she thinking asking her that? She'd never be able to focus on anything with her being that close.

The only way she had managed during cheerleading camp was because Brittany was around. With Brittany around, Quinn knew she didn't have a chance with Santana. She was like a puppy dog following Brittany around everywhere she went.

She'd never admitted to anyone how she felt about Santana. Well, except Kurt, but she didn't really tell him, Kurt just kind of figured it out. It happened towards the end of senior year. Apparently, Quinn hadn't been as subtle as she had hoped with her longing stares and quiet sighs of adoration. One day after Glee practice when it was just Kurt and Quinn left in the auditorium, he just came right out and asked.

"I'd like to believe that I have excellent gaydar, despite what Blaine may say, and I've got to tell you, it looks like you have it bad. Am I right?"

"What – what are you talking about?" All Quinn could do was shift her hands nervously. She didn't dare think that Kurt was talking about her feelings for Santana. How could he know? But if he wasn't talking about that, what else could he possibly be talking about?

"I'm going to take that as a yes going by your sudden nervousness. Don't worry, I won't tell. It'll be our little secret," he smirked and walked past her towards the exit. "Oh, and if you ever need to talk to anyone about it, I'm here. I may not understand liking Santana, but I do understand liking the same sex."

And that was that. Kurt knew and he hadn't spoken a word about it since, except for the occasional side comment like the one he made earlier after they got back from dinner.

Brittany wasn't around anymore and from what Santana had said at the bar the previous night, it seemed like she was okay with it. Maybe she was okay enough that Quinn could finally tell her how she really felt.

No, she couldn't do that, not if they were going to be roommates. Besides, Santana had never looked at Quinn in that way before. She'd just have to go on pretending like she had been for so many years, even though having her as a roommate would prove to be a little difficult.

Quinn got up and hailed a taxi to make her way to the train station.


	5. Chapter 5

**So, I just kind of busted this out really quick. **  
**I've never written anything sexual before, unless you count poetry, but that's a hell of a lot different than this. **  
**I promise to work on it and get tons better!**  
**Thank you to everyone who is reading. Sorry for any errors, and I hope to not disappoint!  
Also, any reviews would be greatly appreciated! **

* * *

Quinn got on the train and found her seat. She put her bag onto the free seat next to her and felt her phone go off.

SANTANA: _Kurt's towels are so comfy! haha I'm really glad I came to nyc, but I'm even happier that you asked me to move in with you. Has it been a month yet? Are you back home yet? :p_

* * *

Quinn walked up to Santana and unwrapped her towel slowly as to take her time so she could bask in the beauty that stood before her. Quinn couldn't believe her eyes.

She knew that when she got off the train and turned back around towards their apartment that she was going to tell Santana how she really felt, but she didn't expect to be so brave. Perhaps, words didn't need to be said, only touch needed to be felt.

Quinn lifted up her hand to caress Santana's cheek, and Santana melted into her. A spark ignited inside Quinn as she leaned in to place her lips gently upon Santana's. Years of dreaming could never have prepared her for the feeling that burst inside of her as she began to deepen the kiss, taking Santana's bottom lip between hers.

It seemed as though Santana wanted Quinn as much as she wanted her. Santana was eager to feel Quinn everywhere. She began kissing across her neck and up to her ear. Quinn could feel the smile on Santana's lips when she whispered in a low, sultry voice, "Take off your clothes, Q." She licked her ear lobe as Quinn's body shivered. "I want more of you." She tugged on the hem of Quinn's dress, and Quinn obliged, pulling it over her head and tossing it on the floor.

Quinn, just as eager as Santana and draped with the courage to show Santana how she felt, unclasped her bra and let it drop. The look on Santana's face was anything beyond what Quinn could have expected. For a moment Quinn thought she saw a hint of nervousness in Santana's eyes, but with a blink it was gone. No sooner was it there, was it replaced with excitement and lust.

Any thought of Santana being nervous disappeared when Santana pushed Quinn onto the bed. She began to straddle her, leaving kisses from her jaw line to her neck and down to her collarbone.

Quinn loved the feeling of Santana's lips on her and her hands searching everywhere she could find. She had imagined this for so long; she couldn't believe it was actually happening.

Santana cupped Quinn's right breast as she put her left nipple in her mouth, gently sucking. Quinn gasped from the unexpected, but pleasurable action. She bucked her hips into Santana, unknowingly causing friction between her stomach and Santana's core. A whimper escaped from Santana's lips. She could feel how wet Santana was on her abs. Knowing how hot Santana was for her only turned Quinn on more.

She flipped them over so that Quinn was now on top of Santana. A devilish look was in Quinn's eyes. She let her hands reach and grab at every piece of Santana possible. Her hands found Santana's breasts, and she slowly started kneading them. She could feel Santana's breath hitch at the touch. She couldn't get enough.

Quinn let her left hand slide between them. Following the outline of Santana's hips to the inside of her thighs, she pushed Santana's legs further apart. Quinn found Santana's lips once again. Santana rushed into the kiss, not wasting any time. Quinn started tracing little circles on the inside of Santana's thigh, eliciting a moan from Santana. Quinn took the opportunity to slide her tongue in her open mouth. She let her tongue explore the other girl's mouth, moaning at the feeling of their tongues colliding.

Everything inside of Quinn started to awaken. She could feel heat radiating from every inch of her body. Santana was writhing beneath her. The fervor in her kiss begging Quinn to touch her in the deepest ways.

Quinn knew what she wanted. She needed for Santana to feel just how much she cared for her. She slid one finger from Santana's wet entrance up to her clit. Santana moaned from the back of her throat. Quinn was instantly addicted to the sound. Smiling into the kiss, she slipped one finger inside of Santana.

Swallowing another moan that Santana made, Quinn placed a second finger inside of her, slowly pushing in and out at a slow rhythm. Santana's body rocked with Quinn's movements. Quinn began kissing Santana's neck as Santana continued to make sounds of pleasure.

Quinn fell in love with Santana's body moving against hers. She picked up her speed and let her thumb find Santana's clit.

In and out, through the wetness of Santana's heat, Quinn could tell she wouldn't last much longer. She took her other hand and grabbed Santana's cheek, making her look directly at her. Quinn needed to see the look in her eyes as she came.

Santana looked up into dark hazel orbs full of passion and adoration. Quinn left one small, passionate kiss on Santana's lips before returning her gaze.

She thrust herself even deeper into Santana as she cried out in pleasure, her eyes rolling into the back of her head. Quinn could feel Santana tightening around her fingers. She pushed inside of her again while curling her fingers upwards and making tight circles on her clit. Santana couldn't stop her body from shaking as she rose in her climax. Quinn slid into her once more. Santana's eyes found Quinn's again.

"Quinn," Santana began to speak as Quinn's fingers continued to slide in her, curl up and then out before sliding back in again. Santana's breath became more ragged and her body was so close. With another push inside, Quinn could feel Santana holding her breath.

"I love you, Santana," was all Quinn could say to the woman beneath her, and with one final push in and the curl of her fingers, Santana screamed her name as ecstasy took her to the edge and she fell into her orgasm.

* * *

Quinn awoke in a sweat, unaware of where she was. She looked over to see a window with buildings passing by in the distance.

She was still on the train.

A wave of disappointment washed over Quinn as the realization hit her that she was on her way to Yale, instead of laying in bed with Santana telling her how she really felt.

She looked over to her phone to check the time and saw the text she had read from Santana before she fell asleep. Something pulled at her heart when she saw her name. It had all been a dream. She hadn't told Santana that she loved her.

She read the text over again. Santana had called it their _home_.

* * *

Holy shit, I called it our _home._ What was I thinking? I only meant to tell her about Kurt's awesome towels, and tell her that I was glad I came here. The rest just kind of spilled out before I had the chance to stop it.

The shower didn't prove to be any help in sorting out my feelings. All I could put together was that Quinn was beautiful and I felt things for her; I had always known that, but I hadn't ever _really _thought about it. Now, the image of her wouldn't leave my mind. Did I love Quinn? As scary as it was to admit, I did. I probably always had. I didn't know what Quinn was going to think of my text. Hopefully, she wouldn't take it as me meaning anything more than something platonic. Part of me wanted her to think of it as our home, but I'd be kidding myself if I ever thought she would see me the way I was realizing I always saw her.

A look at the stars seemed like the best option to clear my head. I put on a pair of sweats, tank top, and a light jacket.

I still couldn't see the stars. Like Quinn said, the city lights were too bright. I guess they'd have to substitute for my star gazing. I didn't mind. The city lights were still crowded by the darkness of the night sky. Some of the lights were big and others were small. If I tried, I could even make shapes out of them. It was peaceful, but something was still gnawing at the back of my mind. Quinn.

I wanted to share this moment with her. If I could tell her that the beauty I saw in the night wasn't half as beautiful as she was then maybe she could start to understand why it only took two days for me to see what true beauty was.

It was almost ridiculous how even the night sky made me think of her. Though, lately, it seemed like everything was making me think of her. Anything beautiful brought me back to her eyes. Anything funny brought me back to her laugh. Anything soft brought me back to her embrace.

I climbed the fire escape back down to my room just in time to hear my phone go off from a text.

QUINN: _I__t's barely been an hour, San. I'm not even back to Yale, yet. Home, huh? Make sure to keep it warm for me. _

My heart swelled. She didn't freak out that I called our apartment _home._ The smile on my face could have gone on for miles.

Suddenly, all of the worried thoughts in my head calmed down. With the thought of our apartment being our _home,_ I laid my head down on the pillow and let myself fall asleep.

* * *

QUINN: _One exam down, three more to go and I am officially New York bound. Please send me some coffee through the phone so I don't fall asleep on my textbook!_

Waking up to anything Quinn felt amazing. I couldn't stop the feeling in my chest that grabbed at my heart. After dreaming about Quinn all night, all I wanted to do was talk to her.

SANTANA: _Not sure they've invented an app for that, but I'll make sure to get right on it. Gotta look for a job today. Any suggestions?_

QUINN: _Rock star? Ice cream junkie? Queen?_

I couldn't help but laugh. She knew me all too well.

SANTANA:_ I'm already all of those things. Too bad eating ice cream doesn't make me any money._

QUINN:_ I'd eat bacon for money._

SANTANA: _You'd eat bacon no matter what. :)_

QUINN: _True. Well, you could work at a coffee shop. Then you could send me some coffee!_

SANTANA: _Dealing with people all day and making them stuff? Like I could do that sober. I'll make you coffee, but no one else._

QUINN: _Hmm…you were always good at making me drinks in high school. Bartender?_

SANTANA: _That could mean free drinks and awesome tips._

I could be a bartender. Not to brag, but I am smoking hot. Of course I would get incredible tips.

SANTANA: _Maybe I'll check out that place that we went to the other night._

Just thinking about that night made my entire body heat up. Quinn's lips on my neck. Her body against mine, pulsing to the music. I could definitely work there.

QUINN: _That place was cool. You could take me up to the roof again. I enjoyed the view the last time we were up there._

If I've ever heard of an amazing job, that was it.

I got out of bed and got dressed to start making my way over to Shadow's. I made sure I was looking gorgeous in a tight fitting tank top with a leather jacket, coupled with a pair of my black tight jeans and some laced boots.

I arrived at the bar about ten minutes later and walked in. I saw the bouncer that was there two nights before, and he gave me a quirky smile.

"You're the woman with the hot dancer girlfriend, right?" he asked.

"What-" It took me a minute to realize what he was referring to. Then I remembered Quinn's lips pressed against my neck when she pretended to be my girlfriend to get us into the club. "Oh, yeah, that's me. I was wondering if you guys had any job openings."

"For you, yeah, let me get Frank," he smiled again and walked past the bar into a back room.

A moment passed before a tall man dressed in a business suit walked out and held out his hand towards me. I took it and he shook my hand firmly.

"Hi, my name's Frank, and it's nice to meet you," he spoke in a calm and charming voice.

"Hey, I'm Santana. It's nice to meet you, as well."

"Jimmy says you were looking for a job. How can I help you with that?"

"Well, I've always been really good with mixing drinks. I was hoping you had an opening for a bartender. I was here the other night, and I really liked the atmosphere and the music. I thought you guys could use my talent," I told him with a cheeky smile.

"Ah, you seem quite confident in yourself," he chuckled. "That's a good quality to have around here. We like people who can hold their own. A bartender, you say? How about I give you a test. If you pass, you're hired Deal?."

"Sounds like a deal to me."

"Alright, I'll give you three minutes to make seven different drinks."

I got behind the bar and got acquainted with my surroundings. Seven drinks in three minutes, I could definitely do that. I could make more than that. I used to time myself back in high school and always prided myself on my skills. This would be cake.

And it was. In Frank's words, I passed with "flying colors." In agreement of our deal, he hired me on the spot. I'd work tomorrow night under one of the regular bartenders to learn the ropes. I couldn't wait to tell Quinn.

I thanked Frank and made my way back outside so I could call her.

She answered on the second ring. "Hey, I just finished my second final. God, it was brutal," she laughed. "I'm still waiting on my coffee. Is it here, yet?"

"Get your butt over here, and I'll buy you a coffee."

"I would if I could, but I still have two more finals to go. Did you go to the bar to see about getting yourself a lovely new job?"

I smiled into the phone. "Let's just say I can take you for that spectacular view of the night sky any time you would like."

"Oh, you got it! That's fantastic. I'm expecting free drinks now that you're a working girl surrounded by an unlimited supply of alcohol." I could tell she was smiling back. If only she was with me, I could have gotten one of her amazing hugs. Just picturing it made my smile widen.

"I did and I think I could manage a few drinks on the house. My first shift is tomorrow. I have to say that I'm kind of excited, but a little nervous. At least if anyone gets handsy, I can throw a beer in their face and not have to pay for it," I chuckled.

"Yeah, well, if anyone tries to put their hands on you, they'll have to deal with me. I'm still your girlfriend, and no one gets to touch you but me."

Hearing her call me her girlfriend, whether it be fake or not, just about knocked me over and into the street for oncoming traffic to greet me. At this point, I wouldn't have cared. For all I knew, I could have been floating in the clouds.

"Oh, but hey, I've got to get back to my study group. We have a chem final in the morning that's going to rip me to absolute shreds. Text me later?" she asked.

"Of course. I'll work on trying to get a coffee to you in the meantime."

"Thanks, and, hey, San?"

"Yes, Quinn?"

"I'm proud of you. Try and be nice to your customers. I know not everyone can handle how intense you are, but I doubt your boss would be too keen on you going all Lima Heights on everyone who shows you a little unwanted attention. You're beautiful, you know. Some people can't help but comment on it, especially if you're going to be serving them alcohol in what I'm sure will be a damn fine outfit. Bye, S."

My heart was beating out of my chest. Quinn made my heart race without even trying. I can't even remember the last time anyone made me feel and act so…so much like Rachel with one silly compliment. I was really going to need to work on that. This girl was going to be the death of me. I became mush overnight.

Every second that passed, Quinn grew more and more amazing. I was starting to fall for her and her little comments that she made that always threw me off guard. If anyone got touchy with me she said they would have to deal with her. She called me beautiful. What was I supposed to do? Not fall in love with everything she said and did? She was Quinn Fabray. Who wouldn't fall in love with her?


	6. Chapter 6

**I sincerely apologize for this taking so long! I've had finals and way too much work going on to get that much writing done. Thank you to everyone who is reading! I hope you guys are liking it! I sure am having a fun time writing it. =J  
If anyone has any suggestions or comments, feel free to review or PM me. I love me some feedback.  
Also, sorry about any mistakes. Grammar and I don't get along very well, though we try.**

* * *

Quinn sat in her study group completely oblivious to everything around her as she doodled Santana's name on the top of her study guide.

God, she was beautiful.

Santana said she was going to start working at the bar they had gone to a few nights before. She was going to take her up to the roof again.

That night was amazing for Quinn.

Dancing with Santana absolutely lit her body on fire. She couldn't resist placing her lips on Santana's neck when her body rocked against hers. Santana had turned her head at the perfect moment for Quinn to take her skin between her lips. She could have sworn a gasp had escaped Santana's mouth at the contact, but she wasn't sure. The music had been too loud.

Later she had watched Santana run out of the bar and into the night air. She didn't know what had prompted her to run out so fast, but she knew she was happy about something. There had been too big of a smile on her face for her not to have been happy.

Quinn found Santana trying to climb the fire escape up onto the roof.

Everything about Santana was always appealing to Quinn, from her fierceness, her sarcastic comments, to her adorable love for star gazing.

As soon as Quinn saw Santana heading up to the roof, she knew that star gazing was what she was after, and she wanted nothing more than to follow her.

She loved looking at the stars with Santana. The look on Santana's face whenever she was looking up towards the night was like nothing she had ever seen before.

Santana instantly became calm and a sense of tranquility would run over her features whenever she saw looked at the stars. She looked amazed that such a sight could exist in such a tainted world.

Quinn always wondered what was on Santana's mind when she gazed at the balls of light up above, but she could never figure it out.

Whenever they went star gazing Santana got lost in the darkness, and Quinn got lost in Santana.

"What'd you get for question eight?" Todd asked Quinn, who still wasn't paying attention to chemistry. "Quinn?"

Todd flicked her on the arm.

The sudden pain brought Quinn out of her haze. "Ow, what was that for?"

"I asked you what you got for question eight, but you were too busy playing in your invisible Quinnie land with a goofy look on your face," Todd laughed.

"I told you not to call me Quinnie, and I wasn't off in some magical land with a goofy look on my face. I was simply thinking over my answer with deep concentration," Quinn retorted with the raise of an eyebrow. "I believe the correct answer is B."

Her fellow classmate looked on the answer sheet for the study guide and a smirk grew on his face. "Correct as usual, Quinn. Even if something besides chemistry is preoccupying your mind during our _important _study session."

"Oh, relax. You're going to do fine. Maybe not as good as me, but you'll certainly pass."

"As riveting as chemistry is, I'm curious to know what else has your attention."

Quinn ducked her head down shyly. "No one- I mean nothing," she coughed. "Let's just get back to studying. What did you get for number nine?"

* * *

I got to the bar a little before eight just as Frank had instructed. I was nervous, but my years of drinking before legal age had taught me well. I wasn't looking to run into too many problems. Plus, I would be working with one of the regular bartenders, who Frank was sure I would get along with.

I wasn't too sure about that. My bitchy attitude tended to get in the way of me making that many friends, but if she knew how to handle liquor and creepy guys that always made their presence known at every bar you went to by obnoxiously flirting, then she was worth a try to tolerate in the least.

I looked towards the bar to see a rather tall blonde in a ripped black shirt with the Jack Daniels emblem plastered on it. How original. Her hair was straight, falling just below her shoulders in choppy layers. Her shirt was short enough to show a bit of her stomach, which was quite tone. I had to admit, she was pretty hot. Then again, it seems I had a thing for blondes.

She poured a single shot of tequila and brought her eyes up to my gaze just as she threw it back. Drinking before the shift even started. Ballsy. I could dig that.

Her face remained expressionless even as the liquor was sure to be burning down her throat.

Maybe Frank was right.

"Drinking before your shift. That means one of two things. Either this job is going to require me to be drunk the whole way through or you're half as badass as me," I walked over to the bar and nodded my head towards another shot glass, indicating I wanted a shot, as well.

She poured the tequila in my glass, and I braced myself as I brought it up to my lips. I wasn't going to grimace. I wasn't going to show a reaction since she hadn't.

It went down quickly. My face remained blank, showing no discomfort.

"Maybe you're half as badass as me," she replied with a small smirk. "My name's Ashley. Frank said a new girl was starting tonight. He said I might like you." She reached out a hand.

I took it and shook it with a firm grip. "Yeah, he said I might like you, too. I'm Santana."

"Why don't you come behind the bar, and I'll show you where everything is. Things start to heat up in about an hour."

I walked behind the bar and stood next to her.

"Make me an old fashioned," she demanded with a slight curl of her lips.

Where was this girl from? I guessed it was a test. It wasn't one that I was going to fail, either, all thanks to my alcoholic father. An old fashioned was probably the first drink I learned how to make.

I found everything I needed, even the type of glass it was usually poured in. I made it quickly and pushed it over to her.

Her lips curled up even more. "Perhaps you're more than half badass, Santana. Most people your age don't even know what goes in the drink, let alone the proper glass."

"Oh, trust me, I'm full badass. I'm from Lima Heights."

"Where the hell is Lima Heights?" she laughed.

"Where badasses are created," I chuckled in reply. "It's in Ohio, where I'm from."

"We'll see how well it prepared you for the big apple."

"Ha, give me your next test, sweetheart. I'm sure I'll pass with flying colors," I added with a glint of fire in my eyes.

Before you can even begin to take on a task, I learned that you had to show confidence first. It sets everything up. If you don't believe you can kick ass, then you probably can't.

The next hour consisted of her explaining the workings of the bar and the common demeanor of the patrons.

"By around eleven, most people are drunk off their asses. The flirtier you are, the more tips you get, but don't let anyone put their hands on you. Once someone sees they can get away with it, others will join in. They're harmless, but don't be afraid to put someone in their place if they need it."

I've never been afraid to put anyone in their place, especially when alcohol was involved.

It was about ten when the place started to really get packed. The DJ started playing Fall Out Boy's new song. It was surprising considering the rest of the music had been mostly dance pop mixes, but you could definitely move to the song.

The orders were stacking up, and people were yelling out drink orders all around me. Did people not understand the concept of waiting? I guess you don't understand much when you're drunk and music is blaring in your ears, though. I certainly wouldn't if I was in their position.

I started singing to the song and dancing to get into the flow of the music while I made drink after drink. It was relaxing, despite people constantly yelling at me.

"You've got a pretty good voice and some nice dance moves there, Santana," Ashley yelled at me over the hazy noise.

"Of course I do. Amongst many other talents that would probably surprise you," I winked at her.

"Hey, sweet thing. Let me buy you a shot," some random guy yelled at me. I turned to Ashley to gauge her reaction. She nodded to say it was fine.

"I'll take your free drink, but don't think about calling me sweet thing ever again," I snarled at him as I poured myself a shot of whiskey. As soon as I set the shot glass back down, he grabbed my shirt and pulled me into a kiss.

Faster than I could push him off, Ashley threw a beer in his face and yelled at him to get the fuck off. I was a little out of it, taken by surprise by the kiss.

The drunken guy called her a bitch in retaliation before she opened the water tap and sprayed him in the face. She waved her hand in the air for the bouncer to come over.

I instantly recognized Jimmy. Who could forget the size of those ridiculous muscles?

"Hey, J, get this drunken asshole out of here," she yelled.

Jimmy just nodded and before the drunk guy could protest he was lifted up over Jimmy's shoulders and taken through the crowd. I couldn't help but laugh at the shocked look on the guy's face.

"Oh, and Jimmy," she started as he turned back around. "Make sure to get a lovely tip from him for the beer he just wasted."

I turned to her and laughed. This girl was definitely a badass.

"I didn't even see that kiss coming," I spoke.

"I told you, Lima, don't be afraid to put them in their place," she smiled back. "You can take their free drinks, but do it far enough away from them that they don't try and take advantage. Buying you a drink doesn't mean they're buying you."

The rest of the shift went by pretty quickly. Last call was at three, which was apparently early for most nights.

We started cleaning up the bar while the dance floor was still buzzing with people.

A shot glass slid down the bar and right into to my hands.

"One more free drink on the house for it being your first night and you not sucking completely at it," Ashley looked at me with a grin.

"Thanks," I said as I took it quickly. "Tonight was actually fun, despite it being work and that asshole kissing me."

"Yeah, well, if anyone tries it again just throw some liquor on them or yell for Jimmy."

"I will definitely do that. It was pretty awesome when you sloshed beer all over him," I replied.

It had been awesome. If I hadn't have been in shock, I probably would have punched the guy square in his face, but her approach was just as fitting.

"So, what do you do, Lima? I know you can dance, sing, and pour yourself a nice glass of liquor, but are there any other hidden talents I don't know about yet?" she asked.

"Oh, I'm definitely full of more surprises than you'll ever find out," I smirked back. "Pretty much anything that deals with a stage, and I'm down."

Being on a stage felt like nothing else. I'm not sure if it's the lights, being elevated from the rest of the audience, or just the pure adrenaline that comes from being in front of any number of people knowing you could mess up at any time while performing, but pushing yourself through the fear, regardless, that always made my world seem a little bit more simpler and magical at the same time.

When I was on stage dancing, every move felt natural, even if I messed up. When I was on stage singing, every lyric vibrated through my veins. When I was on stage acting, I became someone else without a worry or care for anything happening in reality. I was a different person, but more myself than ever.

I loved acting most of all. It opened my world up to new experiences and emotions. Whenever I played a character I fell into their life, their troubles, and their victories. Their voice was my voice. I let them consume me until I could hardly recognize myself anymore.

It's like walking a fine line that you aren't sure you should cross, but everything in your body tells you to because it'll be worth it to feel something you've never felt before even if what you're feeling hurts more than you thought it could.

"I mostly sang and danced in high school, but I really loved to act whenever I got the chance. I wish I could have done it more. It always felt more fulfilling than anything else. Of course, competing with Berry, I barely got any singing solos, so the leads I got in acting were few and far between," I said with a sheepish smile.

I told her way too much information. The alcohol must have started to affect my mouth and let the words slip out of my mouth. I never even told Brittany or Quinn how much I enjoyed acting. I didn't want to seem weak liking something as much as Manhands.

"Who the fuck is Berry? He sounds like a jerk."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Berry's actually a girl, and thinking about it now, she's not so bad. Sure, she's annoying with her constant string of tangents and horrible sweaters with reindeers on them, but if I had let myself want my dreams as much as she did, I would have been just as obnoxious with getting every solo and every lead in everything, too."

It took cajones for Berry to unabashedly claim her dreams and fight for them as strongly as she did. She dealt with more slushies and ridicule than anyone else in the Glee club, but she got into NYADA because of it. I could admire that. Not that I would ever tell her to her face.

"Well, if you like acting so much and you can deal with the competition, I know of this improv extension class that NYU offers. One of my old professors helps to teach it. She's pretty quirky, but still cool. It starts up at the beginning of the semester if you're interested," she shrugged.

"Uh, yeah, that actually sounds really good. I was thinking about taking some classes, but I didn't know how to even start looking for any or signing up."

"I'll have to find my professor's number, but when I do I can give it to you next shift."

This girl was cool. Maybe there's a chance I could be friends with her.

We finished cleaning and restocking everything about a half an hour later.

It was surprising how much I liked working. Normally, you'd have to pay me a ridiculous amount of money if you wanted me to deal with one rude person, but it was different working at the bar. There was good music and alcohol to numb me to people's obscenities. I liked it.

More so, I liked what I could do after my shift.

I walked outside to the sounds of never ending traffic. This city really didn't sleep. I turned into the familiar alley and made my way up the fire escape. It was a lot easier getting up there than the time before with Quinn, but somehow, not as warm.

The city was breath taking. I looked up to see once again that there were few stars visible due to the lights all around me from buildings, cars, and street lamps. I wasn't disappointed, though. All of the lights together made the scene before me just as mesmerizing as the night sky.

I took my phone out and framed my screen to take an out of focus picture that would capture as many lights as possible in all different sizes.

I'm not one for photography, but the picture came out pretty good. I decided to send it to the one person who had been present in the back of my mind all night, along with a simple text.

SANTANA: _There's this excellent view that's missing you._

The breeze hit my shoulder and it left me feeling exhilarated, but a little cold. I couldn't help but think if Quinn was with me maybe I'd be a bit warmer.

Feeling brave, I typed out another quick text to go along with the first.

SANTANA: _It's not the only one missing you._

My phone flashed a new message within moments.

QUINN: _I miss the both of you, too. The photo is beautiful, but not as beautiful as the photographer._

Before I could reply, another text popped up.

QUINN: _Yes, I am aware of how cheesy that sounded. Blame it on the lack of sleep preparing for my last final. Just wait until you have to deal with me in person. My zombie stage is oh so fun! :)_

I really couldn't wait.

I'm usually the first person to point out when someone is being a complete sap or acting like Rachel when she's love stricken over Finn because it's overly nauseating and unnecessary, but when Quinn said stuff that was cheesy, I didn't seem to mind.

I actually liked it.

Yes, I wanted it to be in a way that was more than platonic, but I was always one to just take what I could get.

SANTANA: _If your zombie stage is anything like that zombie costume you wore for Halloween last year, then feel free to bring it on. Nothing says sexy like Quinnie moaning and strutting around in ripped, barely there clothing. ;p_

I was also one to never turn down a chance to flirt.

Quinn really was the picture of dripping sex that night.

Puck had thrown a Halloween party, and I expected Quinn to show up in some angel costume or something equally as innocent, but I was thoroughly mistaken. She walked through the door with a ripped tank top that showed off her tone stomach and shorts that barely covered half her thighs. Not to mention, she was sporting some after-sex hair.

I remember being a little intoxicated by the time she walked over to me, and I'm pretty sure I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Something she attempted to tease me with later, but I shrugged off, easily, blaming the alcohol.

At the time, I really did blame the alcohol. I didn't want to see Quinn in more than a friend kind of way. Once you look at someone in a sexual way, there's no way to take it back and no way to stop from doing it almost every time after. I couldn't afford to look at Quinn that way. Not when I was with Brittany and not when I knew she'd never look at me the same way back.

The latter still hadn't changed, but it was getting harder for me to turn that switch off. The switch that told me how beautiful and sexy Quinn was. The switch that wouldn't let her innocent compliments towards me go unnoticed. The switch that made me think that just maybe in a city of endless possibilities, Quinn could be a possibility, as well.

QUINN: _You do realize you're the only person I let call me Quinnie, right? And you have to moan when you're a zombie! It's all a part of being undead. _

Her moans. Now that's a sound I would love to have repeated, but maybe for a different reason.

SANTANA: _Oh, but you LOVE it when people call you Quinnie, Quinnie._

Actually, she hated being called Quinnie, but I always got away with it for some reason. I couldn't tell you why. Probably because I refused to call her anything but Quinnie for an entire week, and after a while, I assume it was easier to just let it go than to keep asking me to stop.

Sometimes I'm relentless. I can't really help myself.

QUINN: _You know I hate it. _

SANTANA: _Don't lie. You secretly love it when I call you Quinnie or Fabgay or QB. P.S. you should go to bed if you have that final tomorrow. Oh, and get a good breakfast!_

QUINN: _Yes, mom. Oatmeal acceptable for you? I still don't know what QB stands for._

One night Quinn followed me up to my roof while I was star gazing after a particularly brutal conversation with Coach Sue had taken place. I normally didn't let my emotions show, but I was having an already rough week, so I secluded myself away to the stars to let my tears fall freely. I didn't realize she followed me until I felt two arms wrap themselves around me. She just held me like that for about an hour or so and didn't say a word until I calmed down. She just traced smooth circles on my stomach and held me close enough to feel safe. When I finally turned around to say something to her, I almost called her baby. Luckily, I had caught it before it slipped, but I liked the idea of calling her baby for some reason. I decided I'd call her baby without calling her baby. Add one nickname to another. Q for Quinn and B for baby. QB.

It made sense why I liked the idea of calling her baby. I was just too afraid or unwilling to see it back then.

SANTANA: _And you'll never know what it stands for! Muahaha….Also, you can only have oatmeal if you bring me some and if strawberries are added. :) Night, QB_

QUINN: _I'll figure it out one day, and I'll make you oatmeal when I get home. Sleep well, S._

She called it home, again.


	7. Chapter 7

**Yay! New chapter! I stayed up way too late writing this, but I wanted to get it out while I was still in the zone. =J  
That means there are probably some horrible errors and mistakes, though. I'm sorry about that. I hope it doesn't take away from the story. Oh, and I hope you're all enjoying the story!  
Thank you so much for the reviews! I love to read them! They make my day all sunshine and vodka feeling! (Which is basically happiness lol)**

**Side Note: Holly Holliday!**

* * *

It'd been three weeks since I started my new job.

I didn't have any hitches at work ever since that one guy kissed me. I learned to take people's free drinks from a safe distance and to not let them get anywhere close enough to grab ahold of me.

Some people still tried to get handsy when I had to lean over to grab some fruit or olives for a particular drink, but I was quick to push them off or give them my signature death glare.

Quinn ended up acing her exams, which I had had no doubts about.

She was so excited when she told me. She called me at five in the morning just to let me know she passed. Of course, it was only a few hours after my shift so I was practically dead to the world. I've never really been a morning person, especially after working a long shift, but who was I to deny myself an opportunity to hear her angelic voice.

"I passed all of my classes!" she squealed into the phone.

Okay, so maybe it wasn't a soft angelic voice, but I still enjoyed hearing it.

I looked out my window to see the sun wasn't even up yet. "Q, it's still dark outside. What time is it? Why are you awake? Why am I awake?" I groaned into the phone, trying to hide my happiness from hearing how excited she was.

"It's a little after five. My grades were just posted, and you were the first person I wanted to tell. This means we're officially roommates," she exclaimed.

She was making it really hard not to smile at five in the morning.

"I'm proud of you, Quinn. You always did have a big head. I guess we all know now that it's to hold that abnormally large brain of yours."

Nothing beat teasing Quinn.

"I'll take that as a compliment, San. Anyways, my flight leaves tonight for Lima. I really don't want to go on the plane, though," she said with a hint of nervousness in her voice.

Quinn was going to visit her mom for the remainder of her break until she finally moved here. With me.

Quinn hated planes. She hated them just about as much as I hated boats. I blamed the Titanic. She lamely blamed the movie Snakes on a Plane.

My phobia was backed up by an actual event. Hers, on the other hand, was based on a silly movie that made me throw popcorn at the screen. Granted, it had some good dialogue every now and then, but it wasn't based on actual events. You couldn't convince her of that, though. I had tried.

"Q, there aren't going to be any snakes on your plane. Don't worry."

"You don't know that! They could be hiding in the overhead compartments or in the snack trays or in the bathrooms or, or, or…" she trailed off.

It really was cute how afraid she was. It only made me want to wrap her up in my arms and go back to sleep with her snuggled into me. I would keep her safe.

"Calm down. I'll call the airlines for you and make sure there are no snakes," I yawned into the phone.

"Really? Do you promise?" she asked in her shy voice that gave me goosebumps all over.

"Promise. Now let me go back to sleep. I'll text you later to confirm there won't be any motherfucking snakes on your motherfucking plane."

I really did call her airline that afternoon. I'm sure she thought I was lying when I told her, but it seemed to cheer her up a little bit anyways.

Honestly, who calls an airline to make sure there are no snakes on a plane? I guess I did, but only because I knew it would make Quinn feel better.

She was my friend after all.

Since I couldn't sleep after Quinn had called, I slapped myself fully awake and fixed a bowl of cereal. After I called the airlines, I figured I needed to call Ashley's old professor to sign up for that improv class. However much it cost, I had made enough in tips the past few weeks to cover it, surely. I hoped, at least.

I picked up my phone and tapped in the number scribbled on the napkin Ashley had given me the previous week.

"Hello, this is Holly."

She sounded nice.

"Hate to break it to you, but I'm nowhere near my phone, probably lost it."

Ah, it was her voicemail.

"So, leave me your name and number and Holly will Holla back at ya!"

Well, she certainly seemed funny, in a dorky kind of way. A bit quirky like Ashley had said.

I left a simple message saying who I was and that I worked with Ashley and was wanting to sign up for her improv class. I told her how she could get back in contact with me and that I was looking forward to talking to her.

Hopefully it wouldn't be too long before she called me back. The class would be starting in less than a week, and I'd been too busy with work to call her earlier.

I didn't have to go in to work for a few hours so a bubble bath sounded like an excellent idea.

I wasn't too keen on letting anyone know that I loved to take bubble baths. I tried to fit in as many as possible before Quinn moved in. She would have way too much fun with that information. No doubt she would tell Kurt or Rachel, and then I'd never hear the end of it.

I let the water get really hot before I got in. There's no use in a bubble bath if the water isn't scorching your skin.

I tried really hard to not think about Quinn, but to no avail. She crept into my thoughts like the water into my pores.

I had thought a lot about my feelings for her over the past few weeks. Of course, I loved her. We'd been friends for so long, and she was one of the few people who really knew me. I just didn't know how far that love extended now that I saw her in such a different way or rather finally let myself accept that I had always seen her like that – in a more than friends kind of way.

As hard as I tried not to, images of Quinn in her cute dresses or her tight cheerleading outfit flooded my brain. Yeah, I was definitely and always had been attracted to her.

I really had missed our friendship over the past two years. I'd always been good at pushing my feelings down to the point where I hardly noticed them, but now that I knew Quinn was going to be living right next door to me, I couldn't stop the memories of her from plaguing me.

I didn't mind most of the memories, it's the ones that were absent because we drifted so far apart that bothered me. We had a good time cheering, despite Sue's incessant yelling and berating and our constant need to out compete one another. The nights she would spend the night were always fun because we put our competitive nature to the side and just enjoyed a fun movie with some popcorn and a few beers. Sometimes there was cuddling, but I never really paid too much attention to it. Friends cuddled.

But once the memory of her wrapped around me entered my mind, I couldn't release it. I wanted it again. I wanted to hold her close, even if it was just while watching a funny movie and while she talked about school or anyone she decided to give her love to.

I could accept that she would never have feelings for me. It wouldn't be my first choice, but her happiness was.

I sat up from the tub quickly. Holy hell, I sounded just like Berry. No, I sounded worse than her.

I guess it was one of those things that once you started you couldn't stop.

I started thinking about her, and I couldn't stop. I didn't want to.

* * *

Work was pretty slow. Then again, it was a Wednesday night.

"Hola, chica, lemme get a shot of Patron!" a woman yelled at my back as she slammed her hand down on the bar with a chuckle.

I intended on giving her an evil glare for being so rude, but when I turned around to face her she had an amazing smile that spread to her eyes that almost seemed contagious.

She reminded me of Quinn. Her smile made me want to smile. Not to mention she was blonde. What was it with all of the blondes in my life? Was I a magnet for blondes or something?

"Holly! What are you doing here?" Ashley ran over and threw a hug over the bar.

"I got a sweet little voicemail from someone named Santana, who I assume is this lovely lady, and she said she wanted to join my improv class recommended by her fantastic coworker and my favorite former student, Ashley Halson."

So, this was Holly Holliday, the infamous professor Ashley spoke so kindly about.

"Well, Santana is a wonderful actress, and you'll be very lucky to have her in your class. She may not be as cool as me, but she's about as close as you can get," Ashley winked at Holly.

I poured Holly her shot of Patron and handed it to her.

"Mmm, girl, I love my tequila. You're cool, huh? I can roll with that. My class starts on Monday, and we could definitely use some cool in there."

"I'd love to add some fire and ice to your class," I grinned and poured her another shot.

"Now that's what I'm talking about," she nodded at me.

I was hesitant to ask about the price of the class, but I knew I needed to.

"So, um, how much will the class be?"

"For a friend of Ashley's? Hm, let me think. Why don't you tell me why you like to act first?" she asked.

That was an easy question to answer.

"Put simply, I love acting because I love losing myself in something completely different than what I'm used to. It's terrifying to push myself into another world, but it's fascinating. Acting lets me learn more about others, but it also lets me learn more about myself. I have a lot of passion that not many people try and understand, but when I'm on stage acting, I can throw all of my emotions, every single one of them, into the scene and be everything the character needs to be and the audience needs to feel. Acting lets me express anything and everything." I could tell there was a spark in my eyes when I explained myself to her. I couldn't help but get excited when I talked about acting and remembered the feeling of being on stage playing a role.

Normally, I wouldn't want to share so much with a complete stranger, but she had this essence about her that made me feel instantly comfortable.

Holly took a minute to think over what I said and nodded.

"I like that. I like your honesty and your fire. Plus, Ashley said you're cool, and you poured me another shot before I even asked. So, why don't we make a deal. We're going to be putting on a play for all of NYU to watch, if they please, but it's going to take a lot of volunteer work to set everything up. I can promise you there will be some long days and that it'll get frustrating at times trying to piece everything together, but if you're willing to put the effort in, I think we can find a way to cut out your fees for the class."

Wow, that was more than I could have asked for.

"That sounds absolutely fantastic, Ms. Holliday," I gleamed.

"Oh, please, you're pouring me liquor. Call me Holly."

I had a feeling I was going to love learning from this woman.

"Well, Santana it's been nice meeting you, and Ashley, always a pleasure. Don't make yourself so scarce. You know you're welcome in my class anytime. But I'm afraid I need to get home. I've got an early day ahead of me, and it's already two in the morning. I'll catch you ladies on the flip side," she said as she high fived Ashley and waved at me as she turned and left the bar.

She was funny. Yeah, I was definitely going to love taking her class.

"Looks like knowing a badass has its privileges," Ashley said as she nudged into my shoulder.

"It does. All of my friends would have to agree, considering I'm as badass as they come," I laughed and nudged her back.

After meeting Holly and getting excited over my new class, time seemed to fly by. My shift was over before I knew it, and I was on my way home.

I walked up the three flights of stairs and made my way to the familiar crooked B on my door.

As soon as I got to the door I heard a loud grunt and the sound of something breaking.

Oh, fuck. My apartment was getting robbed. I'd only been living in it three weeks, and it was getting robbed. Quinn's stuff was in there, too. She just had to mail all of her stuff from her dorm. That was not an easy feat carrying heavy ass boxes up three flights of stairs on my own. Not that my muscles couldn't handle it.

Quinn was going to kill me.

Shit. What do you do when you're getting robbed? Did I need to call the police? I had a can of pepper spray. I had a glare that could scare almost anyone away. Of course, none of that really competes with a gun or a knife or even a baseball bat.

I decided to grab my phone in case I needed to call 911, and I yelled through the door that the police were on their way to arrest their robbing asses and that they needed to get the fuck out before I went all Lima Heights on them.

Maybe not the smartest decision to threaten someone who was stealing my stuff, but I didn't really have time to think of anything better.

Before I knew it the door opened up and Quinn Fabray was staring at me with a look that said "_Really? You're going to beat my ass, bitch?"_

Oh, god, she was the hottest robber I had ever seen. She was wearing a long, light green button down with the sleeves rolled up with what I assumed to be no pants on underneath. Her hair was up in a messy pony tail and her face had been washed free of all of her make-up.

If I'd never seen beauty before, I was seeing it for the first time then.

"San, do you really think a burglar in New York even knows what it means for someone to go all Lima Heights on them," she said with quotations around the words. "And do you think they would even care? You're like a five foot five stick."

"Yeah, but I keep razors in my hair," I smirked.

"Ugh, get in here," she smiled and pulled me into a hug.

Any fear I had from our apartment being robbed quickly dissipated with her arms wrapped around me, tugging me out from the hall. God, how was she that warm with such little clothing on?

"Q, what are you even doing here? I thought you weren't supposed to be back until Saturday."

"I decided I'd had enough of Lima, Ohio and my mother, and there was no telling what trouble you were getting into here without my supervision," she chuckled.

We let each other out of the hug and she just smiled at me. How could I not smile back?

"I don't need a babysitter, Quinnie. As you just witnessed, I had it all under control when I thought we were being robbed."

She rolled her eyes at me, but I could tell there was a hint of another smile coming on. "Yes, you certainly had it handled. We should just post a sign on our door that says "Lima Heights Badass Lives Here, Beware, Bitches. That'll keep any potential robbers away."

"Why, Q, I think that's the smartest idea you've had today," I said as I looked at the floor to see where a shattered vase had fallen when her obvious attempts at moving a particularly large sofa all on her own collided with an end table. "Considering you tried to move something that weighs five times as much as you do without my help, and instead just broke your favorite vase."

Why did I even know that was her favorite vase?

She ducked her head and mumbled.

"Sorry, what was that?"

"I said I had it but I tripped over my shoe laces," she whispered and ducked her head even more into her shoulder. It was possibly one of the cutest things I'd ever seen. "I didn't even get to put your tulips in them before I broke it."

I looked over to the kitchen to see a bouquet of purple tulips lying on the counter.

"My tulips," I inquired.

"Yeah, to thank you for making sure there weren't any snakes on the plane," she whispered again in that ridiculously cute tone of hers. "Also, tulips are my favorite. I know how you kill flowers. At least since these are my favorites, I'll keep them alive," she said with a light laugh.

Even with an insult, she still managed to make me forget to breathe.

"Thank you for the flowers, but there wouldn't have been any snakes on the plane whether I had called or not, as you know since I didn't get a chance to call them for your flight back here."

"You don't know that! Snakes are really sneaky, and you know I hate them. They got on that one plane and killed a ton of people, but either way, it was thoughtful of you. Who would have guessed you could be thoughtful?"

"Ugh, anything for you, QB, even if you're going to insult me while thanking me. And that was just a movie; it didn't really happen," I sighed as I walked over towards the tulips.

I picked the flowers up and held them in my hand. The stems were smooth. Not like roses with all of those thorns. The petals were soft and delicate, and the purple in them got lighter at the tips. They were really pretty. With lack of thought, I brought them up to my nose and took in their scent. It hit me.

Quinn.

They smelled like Quinn.

I instantly loved them.

I looked over to see her with a dopey grin on her face.

"You look cute when you look like you've figured something out. Though, I don't know what you could've figured out from smelling flowers. Cute, nonetheless," she smirked even more before turning back to the sofa with a dejected look on her face.

Quinn said I was cute. If she could only see herself right now.

"Here, let me help you with the sofa before you break something else. Then you need to get to bed. When did your flight get in anyways? If you had told me I would have picked you up or at least reminded the airlines to check for deadly snakes," I joked.

I walked over towards the sofa, and we slowly lifted it over towards the far wall so that it was across from the entertainment center I had set up last week.

"I got in around six. Kurt and Rachel picked me up. Well, they got a taxi with me, and we went out to dinner. I knew you had work so I didn't want to bother you."

"Well, you guys should have come down to the bar. That professor I was telling you about, the one that helps teach that improv class, dropped by. She was really interesting. She told me I could take the class for free as long as I really helped out with the play that we'll be doing towards the end of the semester. I bet you would have liked her. Her smile made me think of you."

That was probably overshare on the last part, but I couldn't really get myself to care. It was the truth, after all.

I plopped down on the sofa and stretched my legs out. A yawn escaped my lips before I could stop it.

"Tired? Maybe you should be the one getting to bed."

"Me? Tired? Never. Unless it's five in the morning and you're calling to wake my ass up. Then I'm tired," I snorted.

"Fine, we'll both go to sleep, but I kind of might have spilled a little bit of some orange Fanta on my sheets when I came in earlier," she paused. "So, I guess you're going to have to deal with me in your bed until I can wash them tomorrow."

Quinn in my bed. Definitely something I could handle. Definitely, maybe something I could handle. Something I would have to be able to handle. Was she going to at least put some pants on, though?

"Uh, yeah, sure, that's fine," I coughed. "I've got some sleep pants you can wear if you don't have any," I muttered.

For a split second I thought I saw something in her eyes. I don't know what it was, but it almost seemed like sadness, but why would she be sad about wearing pants?

Okay, I get sad when I have to wear pants. Pants can be completely unnecessary, but I_ needed_ her to wear pants because sometimes my hands have a mind of their own and they tend to wander, especially when there are a lack of pants on a beautiful woman lying next to me in my bed, under my sheets.

Once you think of someone in a sexual way, you can't take it back, and you can't stop yourself from looking at them that way again every time after. I knew this lesson, but nothing could stop me from seeing Quinn the way she really was: beautiful, attractive, smart, sarcastically funny, and ridiculously adorable. I opened a door I didn't know how to shut, but I didn't really want to shut it.

It was okay to love someone from afar or from the other side of a bed, wasn't it? As long as the other person didn't find out?


	8. Chapter 8

**New chapter! Sorry it took so long to update. School has been a crazy mess.  
****As usual, let me apologize for any mistakes you may come across.  
I hope everyone enjoys. I love all of the reviews, favorites, and follows I'm getting.  
Feel free to leave any comments, thoughts, suggestions, etc that you may have about this story. I love hearing what you guys think. =J**

* * *

Quinn woke up to a slightly snoring brunette snuggling into her shoulder. She didn't know how it happened, but at some point in the night Santana's hand must have found its way to Quinn's because their fingers ended up interlaced.

Quinn started rubbing her thumb across Santana's forefinger in odd patterns, doodling her name and silly shapes.

It was comforting, lying there with Santana cuddled up next to her. Santana was the picture of relaxation. Something Quinn knew she hardly ever let herself feel, save for the times when she was on stage or looking up towards the night sky.

They hadn't been this close since their movie nights during sophomore year. Quinn missed how at some point in the middle of the night they'd always end up closer than they had intended. Well, at least, closer than she thought Santana had intended. But Quinn always enjoyed being in close proximity with Santana.

Santana made noises in her sleep as if she was dreaming about something really intense, but they were cute, nonetheless.

Why couldn't they just stay like that? All Quinn wanted was for Santana to know how she really felt. It wasn't helping her keeping it all bottled inside.

Kurt had mentioned something the night before about it.

* * *

"Why don't you just tell her how you feel? She checks you out enough for the world to know she _wants to get her macks on _with you," Kurt said in a mock impersonation of Santana.

"But my feelings for her go further than just kissing. I really care about her, Kurt. If I tell her how I feel and she doesn't like me back, it could change our friendship. I don't want that. We're just now getting back to how we used to be."

"Or maybe you're scared she likes you back," Kurt peaked an eyebrow at her.

Quinn grunted in exasperation. "Either way, me saying how I feel will change us, and I don't know if I'm ready for that. Can't I just keep flirting with her from a safe distance like I have been for the past four years?"

"Um, no, honey. You're getting way too obvious. Even Rachel is starting to pick up on it. She told me about that little neck kiss you gave Santana on the dance floor a few weeks ago," Kurt glared at Quinn before his eyes softened when he realized Quinn had slumped over a little in defeat. "Listen, wouldn't it make you feel better to finally get it off your chest? If you guys can go back to being best friends within a day after being distant for two years, don't you think you can handle any feelings the two of you might have for each other? You both might be stubborn, but your friendship has always been strong."

"I guess," Quinn sighed.

"Well, I know, and if Santana says anything bitchy, just let me know, and I'll egg her car or her face or something," Kurt joked.

"I'm pretty sure they would never find your body after that. As much as I appreciate you looking out for me, I just want Santana to be happy, even if I'm not the cause of it. Her happiness is what matters most to me."

* * *

Maybe it was time to tell Santana once and for all. If just to find out if she could be the one to make her happy or not.

But she could wait a few more hours until then. This could be the last time they were this close, and she didn't want to waste it.

Quinn looked over at the clock on the nightstand to see it was still fairly early, and she knew she didn't have anything to do today, so she let herself find comfort in the arms of Santana for just a little while longer.

* * *

I opened my eyes, but all I could see was blonde. Blonde hair everywhere. She smelled just like those tulips.

I moved my head up from her neck to see her face. She looked so peaceful when she slept. Almost like an angel.

How did I end up getting so close to her? I remember us getting into bed after I found her a pair of my sweats. I knew I couldn't handle Quinn in my bed in just her underwear and a shirt, but I was pretty sure we didn't hop into the bed intent on cuddling.

Funny how I was the one with my arm wrapped around her and my head fitting into the crook of her neck. On her side of the bed. I guess I had just drifted to the one person I really wanted to be closest to.

Thanks to brilliant sleeping me I got to hold onto a beautiful Quinn Fabray. I could appreciate that.

She really didn't have to wash her sheets today. She could stay in my bed as long as she wanted. I wasn't usually one for cuddling, but holding her like that made me feel something I hadn't felt in a really long time. Safe.

She scrunched up her nose a bit and turned her face to the side so that if her eyes were open she would have been looking right up at me.

What would she have thought if she had caught me cuddling into her like this with such a dopey grin on my face? I decided I better unwrap myself from her.

But not before I gave her a kiss on her forehead. I couldn't resist. The way the light was shining on her from the window made her the prettiest thing I'd ever seen.

"Mmm.."

Shit.

Her eyes fluttered open, and she just looked up at me with a smile that made my whole body shiver.

How could someone look so stunning that early in the morning?

I gave her a shy smile in return, a little embarrassed she had caught me kissing her forehead with my arm still laying over her stomach and holding her hand in mine.

"You're beautiful when you just wake up," she whispered so quietly I could barely hear.

"Not as beautiful as you, ba- QB," I stuttered.

I really wanted to call her baby instead of that stupid nickname.

She looked at me curiously. "You ever going to tell me what that stands for, San?" she yawned as she stretched her arms out over her head.

Jesus. Talk about forgetting how to breathe. That button up shirt she was wearing somehow managed to get a little less buttoned in her sleep. Though, I don't know how. I definitely would have remembered if I had been the one doing the unbuttoning.

She might as well have just been naked with the expression I was giving her- mouth open and eyes wide.

Oh, Quinn naked. That's something I had seen because of cheerleading, but thinking of her naked in my bed was a new thought that had never occurred to me until right then.

"S?" she waved a hand in front of my face. "You there?"

"What? Yeah, I'm totally here. In bed. With you," I mumbled.

She giggled before another yawn escaped her lips.

Why did she have to make this so torturous for me? So wonderfully torturous.

I'm sure she thought this was just something friends do, but for me it was so much more.

"So, are you going to tell me what it means?" she asked again as she closed her eyes and pulled me more into her.

Maybe it was safe to tell her. I had been considering telling her over the past three weeks. If I just told her then I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. She'd probably just laugh it off, and that would be the end of it. Perhaps my feelings for her would go away after I said it out loud.

"Um, Quinn…" I began.

"Yes."

"The Q stands for Quinn."

She opened her eyes and started to sit up. "Makes sense. That's a good sign. I was kind of hoping QB didn't stand for quarter back or something," she laughed. "What's the rest of it stand for?"

"You remember that time on my roof?" I asked.

"Which time on your roof? There were many times on your roof. Some of them drunken others of them…" she trailed off and looked down.

I knew she remembered that night. The night after Coach Sue wouldn't stop yelling at me for messing up at cheer practice. Quinn was the only person that knew why I was messing up, why I was too distracted to try and focus on a cheer routine.

The previous night my father had gotten really drunk after work. He got drunk almost every day after work, but no one really knew except for me, my mami, and Quinn. My father was an angry drunk. The kind that yelled and hit walls. I understood that the pressures of being a doctor and having people's lives in your hands must have been tremendous, but I didn't think it gave him permission to be such an asshole.

That night he spent ten minutes yelling slurred obscenities at my mother before he threw his fist in the air and let it land down hard on my mother's cheek. He raised his fist again before I ran in front of my mother to block his punch.

I proceeded to tell him to fuck off.

He could say all he wanted to me. He could tell me my dreams of being on stage were ridiculous. He could tell me Glee club was pointless and that it would get me nowhere in life. He could even tell me he hated me for liking girls, but I wouldn't let him lay another hand on my mother. I'd rather he beat me, and he did.

He pushed me so hard into the kitchen counter that I fell to the floor. He added an extra few kicks to my stomach to show just how much he didn't care about my opinion before walking off into his study to pour himself another glass of scotch.

There's a reason I never drank scotch. It could create a devil.

I ended up with some pretty narly bruises on my hip and on the side of my ribs. I was thankful no one had noticed all day until Quinn ran up to me after class and gave me an over the top hug that left me wincing. She had immediately pulled back and asked if I was alright, concern filling her eyes.

I tried to play everything off like I was fine, but she dragged me into the locker rooms and demanded I tell her what was going on. It wasn't long before I caved in and told her what happened. She always had a way of breaking down any walls I tried to put up.

My father had never laid a hand on either of us before that night.

I had never seen so much anger flash over Quinn's face. I assured her I wasn't going to let him hurt my mother again, but she was more worried about me.

I still went to practice after school. I had a pretty good tolerance for pain, but Coach wasn't going easy on me. I didn't have the patience to go through the same routine a hundred times over. It didn't take long before I lost focus and began replaying the image of my mother getting hit over and over again in my head.

"The night you found me on my roof after all of that stuff went down with my father," I started.

She nodded to tell me to continue.

"Remember how you just held me? It, um, it made me feel things. You just let me get everything out." I took a deep breath. "Being in that house always felt more like a prison than a home."

Her eyes started to glaze over a bit, and crying was the last thing I wanted to make her do.

"No, no, you made everything better." I assured her and grabbed her hand. "You made me forget that my father was in his study getting drunk again. You made me forget about Coach being a bitch. For the first time you made me feel like everything wasn't so bad. You just let me look at the stars, and feel safe in your arms. Quinn, you made me feel _safe_."

A single tear fell from her left eye. I wiped it away before it even got to the side of her nose.

"It was silly, but when I finally was able to say something to you, to thank you, I almost called you baby," I chuckled trying to lighten the mood.

"But I knew you'd probably think I was weird for calling you that so I settled on a nickname instead. QB. B for baby." Saying it out loud really did sound kind of ridiculous, but what was I to do about that?

"Quinn, no one has ever been able to make me feel so comfortable in their arms to the point where no worries existed. I haven't felt safe since then except for this morning when you scrunched up your nose like a cute little-"

I didn't even have a chance to finish my sentence before she pushed her lips onto mine.

God, was it the most glorious thing I had ever felt. Her lips against mine were like all of the stars in the world were igniting inside my brain, and I was feeling the aftershocks all through my body. She may have just kissed me on my lips, but I felt her everywhere.

She must have taken my shock and lack of movement as me not wanting to kiss her back. She slowly moved away and let space fill between our faces before I realized that I was giving her the wrong impression.

All I wanted to do was kiss Quinn.

I lifted my hand up to her cheek and gave her a quick smile before bringing her lips back into mine.

The kiss was soft and passionate at first. I really wanted to show her how comfortable and safe she made me feel. She needed to know. I needed her to know.

She grabbed onto my neck and pulled me in closer, deepening the kiss. She was absolutely delicious. I let my hands drift down to her sides, hugging onto her hips as she traced her tongue over my bottom lip.

I parted my lips and let her tongue find its way to mine.

She leaned over until she pulled herself on top of me, straddling me, hastening the kiss.

I could barely breathe. Quinn's lips on my lips. Her body on mine. My hands touching her smooth skin. My mind was racing with her intoxication. I had to stop before I let myself go crazy and fully lost myself in everything that was Quinn Fabray.

I slowed the kiss down as a few whimpers escaped Quinn's mouth.

God, that wonderful sound did not help my breathing at all.

I gave her a few more soft kisses until I opened my eyes up at her, and she was breathing heavily against my lips.

"Quinn," I started.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that," she breathed out, apparently as out of breath as I was.

"What?" I asked a little confused.

A nervous smile appeared on her face.

What just happened?

I just kissed Quinn. Quinn just kissed me. But wasn't Quinn straight? She said I had no idea how long she wanted to kiss me. I really didn't. I didn't know anything except that kissing Quinn was my new favorite thing.

All of the sudden, Quinn jumped off of me. A panic rose inside of me.

"I, um, I have to go. I need to talk to one of my professors," Quinn lied. "I'll be back later."

And with that she ran out of the room. I heard the front door close a few moments later.

Shit. What did I just do? What the fuck just happened? Why did Quinn just run off?

I couldn't move, still in shock from the taste of Quinn on my lips and her abruptly leaving me with a million thoughts and questions running through my mind.

* * *

Quinn shut the door to their apartment and let herself slide down onto the floor in the hallway.

She didn't even think about what she was doing when she went to kiss Santana. All of the things that Santana had said about Quinn making her feel safe made her heart explode. Enough to the point where the only way she could show her she felt the same was with touch, a kiss.

It was overwhelming having a dream turned into reality. Never did Quinn think that she would ever kiss Santana, let alone have Santana kiss her back.

For a moment, Quinn thought she had made the wrong decision when Santana didn't make any movement when she pressed her lips against hers, and Quinn backed away before she could make a bigger fool of herself. But to her surprise, Santana smiled and pulled her back into the kiss.

The kiss was more than anything Quinn could have imagined. Santana was gentle, but full of fire. The way her hands found their way to Quinn's hips and held onto them made it seem like she was holding on for dear life.

Quinn wanted more. She needed to feel more of Santana, all of her, but as quick as the kiss had started, it seemed like it was over and there they were, Quinn on top of Santana, both of them gasping for air as if they had just run a marathon.

Quinn surprised herself when she admitted how long she had wanted to kiss Santana.

The look on Santana's face scared Quinn to her core.

Santana didn't look afraid, shocked, or even nervous, simply curious.

It was then that it hit Quinn exactly what she had just done. That she had completely changed their relationship. She could never take that kiss back or the acknowledgment of her feelings.

She needed to get out of there, out of Santana's bed and embrace. She needed to think about what all of that meant.

So, Quinn did what Quinn did best. She ran.

She ran away from her feelings. She ran away from the moment she had dreamt about for years. She ran away from the one person she wanted to run towards.

She needed to talk to someone about this. Kurt was her best and only option.

She got up from her sitting position, thankful she grabbed her phone in her rush to get away from the internal chaos that Santana's lips caused.

Quinn fumbled with her fingers before she was able to type out an intelligible text message.

QUINN: _NEED TO TALK NOW. Rachel isn't home, is she?_

Quinn made her way down the stairs and towards her destination when her phone vibrated in her pocket.

KURT: _Oh, geez. What happened? No, she's on a brunch date with Brody. Get over here._

It didn't take long before Quinn ended up at Kurt and Rachel's apartment. She didn't even have a chance to knock before Kurt flung the door open and pulled her inside.

"Oh, honey, what happened?" Kurt asked as he put his arms around her in a tight hug.

She didn't even realize she was crying until she saw the wet splotches on Kurt's shirt.

"We- I- in her bed and-" Quinn tried to get out between sobs.

"Bed?" Kurt asked with a slightly higher pitch than usual, which only made Quinn cry more intensely. "Here, sit down. I'll get you a glass of water." He motioned for her to take a seat on the sofa, and then made his way into the kitchen.

He came back to a still crying Quinn and handed her the glass of water.

She drank the whole glass before attempting to speak again.

"Start from the beginning. What happened?" Kurt put his hand on Quinn's shoulder in a comforting manner and gave her a sincere smile.

"I spilled Orange Fanta all over my bed last night."

She didn't make any attempt to continue so Kurt nodded on. "And that made you really sad?" Obviously not buying that a soda would make her this upset.

"I ended up sleeping in Santana's bed. I woke up, and she was cuddled into me."

Kurt laughed at the image. Never in a million years would he have pictured Santana cuddling, but apparently it was possible.

"Shut up," she laughed back. Her crying had stopped, and she had finally started to calm down. "I tried to fall back asleep, but I couldn't. I didn't want to let go of her holding onto me. Then she kissed my forehead. I think I surprised her when she realized I was awake."

A smile started forming on Quinn's face remembering how sweet Santana was.

"Continue. I want to know how you got from cute forehead kisses to you looking like a hot crying mess, no offense," Kurt remarked.

"She started talking to me about how I made her feel safe, and it took everything in me to pay attention to what she was saying without pouncing on her."

"Little too much information on that last bit, Quinn."

"Sorry, anyways, she was being incredibly sweet with everything she was saying, and it was this perfect moment. I didn't know how to articulate how I felt with words so I just sort of took a chance and kissed her."

"What?!" Kurt shrieked. "Finally! Took you long enough," he hopped up and down on the sofa in excitement.

Quinn chuckled. "It was incredible. It was better than anything I've ever felt. Seriously, words cannot describe how connected I felt to her, how beautiful she was in that moment, how much I never wanted to let go, how much I just wanted to show her how much I love her in every way possible," Quinn gushed.

"As happy as I am for you, now I have the picture of you trying to jump Santana's bones roaming around in my head, and it's an awful thing for me to imagine."

"Kurt! I can't help it. She's everything, and you know how much I care about her."

"I guess this has been years in the making," he shrugged. "If you ladies kissed and it was magical and all, I don't understand why you were crying."

Quinn's faced dropped, and she felt tears starting to form in her eyes.

"I freaked out. I didn't know what to do. I had imagined it for so long that when it actually happened, I didn't know what to think. Everything in my body felt like it was on fire, and everything in my mind became an instant mess," she paused. "I left."

Kurt's jaw dropped.

"I left and came here. It probably wasn't the best thing to do."

"No, I don't think that was the smartest idea you've ever had, but I can understand why you did it," Kurt sympathized.

"Kurt, I love her. What if I just ruined everything? Not because we kissed because she kissed me right back just as much as I kissed her. But because I ran out. I have no idea what she's thinking right now. She probably hates me," Quinn placed her head in her hands and slunk even further into the sofa.

Kurt took a breath and thought about his response.

"You kissed her, but you didn't tell her that you love her, did you?" he asked.

She shook her head.

He sighed. "She's probably just as confused as you. Quinn, I've told you before, and I'll tell you again. From the way she looks at you, anyone can tell she has some sort of feelings for you. You need to figure out what they are, and you need to tell her how you really feel. You can't half ass it with a kiss and run away. I don't care how scared you are. You know you can't run away from her. You've never been able to."

Quinn let what Kurt said soak in. He was right. She couldn't run away this time.


	9. Chapter 9

**I hope this is enjoyable. I postponed my homework to write it. Always a good excuse, right?  
****As always, I love to read any reviews you guys have. It helps me and makes me extremely happy!**

* * *

She was everything I could have imagined with that one kiss. That one kiss.

It was something I didn't know I needed to feel until I felt it. Something I didn't know I was missing until it came and left quicker than my heart was beating.

In a few moments, a few movements, I lost myself like a star in space. I was still surrounded by other stars, but only a few that were close enough to understand just how bright I could be. I never felt brighter than when she was beside me, listening to me, touching me, kissing me.

I think she saw me then. I think she felt me when I gripped onto her. As soon as she got close, I knew I couldn't let her go ever again.

But I did let her go. I let her leave.

She got up, and she just left.

She left me feeling so full and empty at the same time.

* * *

Quinn didn't know what she was going to do, but she knew she had to do something. She left Santana in bed after she basically attacked her with her mouth.

She was an idiot for leaving, and she knew it. She just didn't know the best way to go about fixing things. Were things broken? They were probably a little messed up. Kiss and leave with no explanation. Santana had to have been confused at least. Or maybe she didn't care at all.

Maybe Quinn was too caught up in how much she cared for Santana to think that maybe Santana was just in it to get her rocks off.

No, that couldn't be true. She said Quinn had made her feel safe. That had to mean something, something more.

Quinn needed to talk to Santana and clear things up.

Quinn had never really been good at words. She always found that other people knew how to explain feelings better than she did. Through books, through poetry, through lyrics. She stumbled around simple words, whereas others seemed to come across them gracefully.

She wanted to be better at speaking how she felt or at least writing her feelings and thoughts down.

That's why she chose to minor in English Literature. No one knew that. Not even Santana. She didn't want anyone to know that part of her, that weakness. That need to express herself in a way she didn't quite know how.

She had taken a few classes at Yale, but they didn't seem to help her as much as she had hoped, except for one class. Intro to poetry.

At first, she didn't understand much of anything. All she could see was beautiful imagery and powerful emotions. She knew what she was supposed to feel when reading certain things, but she didn't understand the significance of repetition or why having so many syllables in one line meant something important.

When it came to analyzing the poem and figuring out why a piece was structured the way it was, she was at a loss. But if she was asked why a poem felt sad or happy or what the author meant for the reader to feel, she just knew.

She may not have figured out the 'better' way to structure a poem, but she learned how to better write down her feelings enough to the point that her message got across to the reader, at least she hoped she had.

The first poem she had to write for her class seemed awful. There was no proper structure. There wasn't really any imagery, but there had been feeling.

Quinn wasn't surprised when she got her poem back with a note from her professor on it asking to see her after class.

There was no grade on it, just the note. Of course Quinn thought she had failed.

She went up to her professor after class as requested.

"Do you know why I wanted to talk to you?" her professor asked.

"Because I tried to go by your guidelines and everything we've studied when I wrote the poem, but my structure was horrible, which probably means I failed, and that's what you wanted to tell me. That I failed," Quinn slumped a little in the desk that she had chosen to sit down in. If she had chosen to stand, she knew she'd regret it because her knees never took rejection or failure well.

"You're right, partially. You didn't follow the rubric on how the poem should be structured, but I saw that you tried to say something with the words you wrote, something I know you've been struggling with all semester. That counts for something. Emotions count. Effort counts. I wanted to talk to you to tell you that I think you have potential. You have a lot of feelings inside that I think you want to share, but you seem hesitant. There's a whole story that can be told in just a few words. Find those words. Don't be afraid to say how you feel. Don't be afraid to feel how you feel. Write it down. If it scares you, let it. Let that fear find your words and scare everyone that reads them. Isn't that the point of it all?"

"Of what?"

"Of everything. Connection. Life. We all want to feel connected to someone through our experiences no matter how scary, lovely, or ridiculous they may seem. We just want to know someone else feels them and understands, too. Let your fear empower you to release yourself and maybe even help others. Do that and you can never go wrong."

"But what if I don't know how," she whispered.

"You do. Here, I want you to take this poem and forget about any kind of structure. Forget about any kind of rules. Tell me what you feel. Short and sweet. Tell me a story. Let me know and feel everything you have to say. I don't want a novel long piece. I want something that will fit nicely in the palm of my hand that I can carry around and feel the weight of your words. Do that and come back to me."

And she did. She let everything in her that told her about rules and guidelines to fuck off.

She turned her revised poem in the next day and didn't care if she failed. She did what he asked. She let herself feel something. Jealousy. Love. Heartbreak. Truth.

She got her poem back at the end of the next class, and all it said was, "Thank you."

Quinn knew she wanted to take more writing classes after that. She knew NYU had a really good art program and a great deal of classes that ranged from creative writing to Shakespeare to literary theory. More than she wanted to admit, that was a big reason in why she decided to transfer.

English Literature still wasn't her major, but she was taking enough classes in that department that it would help her learn to better express her emotions and possibly help her stay sane. NYU just seemed like the better choice in comparison if she wanted to write more, but still get away with studying pre-law.

Quinn was still at Kurt's when she decided to text Santana.

QUINN: _Drinks tonight? We should talk._

It felt like it was taking Santana forever to respond.

"What if she doesn't text me back? What if she doesn't want to talk to me or even see me, Kurt," Quinn asked, panic evident in her voice.

"She'll text you back. Give her a little time. I'm sure you just blew her mind with your lips, dear," he quickly replied. "In the meantime, why don't we go get some food? I believe I am starving. How about pizza? It's nearly lunchtime, right? Eleven is close enough."

Pizza didn't sound appetizing at all, but going out would be a good distraction.

Pizza it was.

* * *

I read over the text for the fifteenth time. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to respond to what had happened.

What did Quinn want to talk about? How it was a mistake? How I made her feel awkward? How she didn't want to be roommates anymore?

I couldn't think like that. I couldn't go there. If I kept thinking I would drive myself insane. I definitely didn't want to talk to Quinn anytime soon.

It was a good thing I had work that night. I needed to not let my mind wander.

I needed to at least tell Quinn that I couldn't talk. Not yet.

SANTANA: _Can't. Work. TTYL._

It was short, simple, and to the point. True Santana didn't need to know how insecure I was feeling at the moment.

She had a way of usually seeing through any mask I tried to use, but there's no way she would be able to through texts. I could hope, at least.

I figured I might as well get out of the apartment. I didn't want to be near my bed. I couldn't handle replaying that kiss over in my head just to remind myself that Quinn probably thought it was a mistake.

I got ready and sent out another text.

SANTANA: _You busy?_

ASHLEY: _Grabbing some doughnuts and coffee. Is that busy? I call that life._

I laughed a little. Ashley really had turned out to be a pretty cool person. Over the past three weeks we had gotten a little closer.

It helped that Ashley didn't let me get away with any of my shit and that she knew about Quinn. It was nice having someone around to keep me in check when I needed it.

On a night we both didn't have to work we went out to some club I had never heard of before, but Ashley assured me it was "my type."

A gay club. She took me to a gay club. I didn't know how she had figured out I was gay. I hadn't told her.

Right before I was about to get my macks on with some hottie, she yanked me away towards the bathroom.

It was safe to say I was past tipsy when I tripped over my own heels.

"What are you doing? You're going to ruin any chance you might have," she yelled at me.

"What are you talking about? Didn't you just ruin my chance? She was really hot. I don't think I was ruining it, considering her hand was on my ass," I spat back at her.

"Quinn."

That's all she said as her eyes narrowed down at me.

Of course she figured out I was interested in girls or at least a girl by the way I talked about Quinn all the time. I had been pretty obvious.

Just saying her name seemed to have sobered me up a little. That's all Ashley needed to say to get me back on track.

I nodded and mumbled a quiet thanks before she smiled back at me.

When we walked back out to the dance floor the hottie from before tried to restart what had been interrupted, but hearing Quinn's name had made everyone around me seem less than in comparison.

I suppose you could say that night was a milestone in my recognition of feelings for Quinn. Just hearing the damn girls name had made things different.

A few more shots in me, and I had spilled the whole Quinn story to Ashley. All she said was that I better not be a dick and try to kiss some girl when I had the possibility of making something "vagtastic" with Quinn. Yes, she said "vagtastic."

SANTANA: _Feel like hanging for a bit before work?_

ASHLEY: _Sure. I don't have to work, but I can drink while you do. I think I need help eating these doughnuts. Come over, skank._

Skank? How original. Regardless, that sounded like a plan. She texted me the address of the doughnut shop she was at, and I was there within half an hour.

I found her seated towards the back.

"I don't know what I was thinking getting this many doughnuts. I ate three, but there are still nine left. What the fuck am I going to do with the rest of these?" she stared at the box full of mixed doughnuts with a curious smirk on her face.

"If you're coming to work with me, you could always give em to Jimmy. You know he'll eat just about anything," I shrugged.

"Oh, excellent idea. He loves when I bring him snacks," she grinned.

I started to twirl my thumbs in a circle. A nervous habit I had developed over the years.

She squinted one eye at me.

"Okay, Santana, spill. That nervous gesture of yours is telling me that you either broke something expensive, made a dick move that screwed something up, or you got some girl pregnant. Going to go with it's one of the first two considering you don't have the proper equipment for that last one."

Hm. She was getting to know me too well.

"It's about Quinn."

"Ah, beauty blonde is coming in town Saturday. You thinking about telling her that you're a closeted romantic with all of those mushy gushy lovey dovey feelings for her?" she smirked evilly.

Seriously, I don't talk about Quinn that much. Not enough to get that kind of response. Well, maybe I did. Sue me.

"She got in last night."

"Ooh, early homecoming. Was there sex? I bet there was sex after you told her of your undying love," she said as she grabbed her chest and sighed, dramatizing a person thinking of heartfelt love.

"Shut up. There wasn't any sex."

"Then what's got you all twitchy. For real, you need to stop. I feel like I'm getting dizzy just from watching your thumbs race around each other."

"I might have told her about some of my feelings, and we might have kissed."

She sat up straighter in her chair. "Finall-"

"No." I cut her off. "She ran off right after. She said she had to go talk to one of her professors, but I'm pretty sure that was a lie. She's only met her advisor. She shouldn't be meeting her professors until next week."

"Oh, well, shit." She gave me a glum look.

"Yeah. I don't even know what happened. I mean, she started the kiss. She got on top of me!" I yelled.

I got a few looks at my outburst, but fuck them. I didn't care if anyone else was listening.

"That sounds like a fun time, except for the leaving part. That probably wasn't that fun."

I rolled my eyes at her. Way to state the obvious.

"It was more than that. My stupid mouth finally told her things I had been holding in for longer than I even knew. Then my stupid mouth kissed her, and it was more than amazing. It was beyond anything. Like that Seth guy you always talk about. It was like that, but better."

"Oh, Seth, if it was like Seth, it must have been mind blowing. That man knew exactly what he was doing with those lips. Fuck, the way he-"

"Okay, I really don't need any more details. I got the picture."

She looked down at her doughnuts, contemplating her next sentence, I assumed.

"You let everything out, and she kissed you," she stated rather than questioned. "Then she left."

"Yes, yes, and yes."

"Has she tried to talk to you since?"

I started to twirl my thumbs again.

"I'll take that as a yes. What'd she say?"

"She texted and said she wanted to talk."

"Let me guess, you said something snarky instead of agreeing to talk," she just looked at me like I was a complete idiot. Maybe I was.

I nodded and continued to stare at my thumbs. At least they wouldn't give me a glare that made me feel like a complete dumbass.

"Dude!" she pushed my shoulder. "What the literal fuck, man? How many times do we have to go over this? You like Quinn. You call her Quinnie. That's dorky and adorable. You really, really like her. When you really like someone, you grow a vagina and you face it."

"But she's the one who left!" I tried to defend myself.

"Yes, but she made an attempt to discuss things right after, and you just pushed her away. You've got to stop doing that. Your bitchy comments get you nowhere unless you're telling some drunk perv to get lost at the bar."

She was right. "I know, I know. I just felt hurt, okay? I don't share my feelings that often. It usually only happens when I'm intoxicated. She just left. I didn't know what to do. She could want to talk just to tell me she's straight, which she has been for like ever."

"A girl sitting on you and kissing you doesn't sound very straight to me. Just go find her and talk to her."

"I can't. I have to go to work, remember?"

"Fine, but after work you're going to have to face her and talk that shit out. You don't know how she feels. Maybe she likes you so much she just got overwhelmed with those pouty lips of yours and needed a major breather," she jested to try and lighten the mood.

It wasn't really helping, and she could tell.

"Listen, it'll be fine. I'll get the DJ to play your favorite mix tonight."

That was slightly helping.

"And I'll help you set up."

That was definitely helping. I hated setting up.

"Slice the fruit for me?" I asked.

"Yes. You really shouldn't be allowed near a knife anyways. You cut yourself like every time," she chuckled.

"Okay, whatever. Let's go. I need something else to preoccupy my mind."

We got to Shadow's soon after leaving the doughnut shop. Jimmy gave us a curious face before noticing the box in Ashley's hands.

She just laughed and handed them over.

I asked him to put on some music, and he gladly agreed with a doughnut already halfway in his mouth, not even asking why we were so early.

Ashley helped me set up, and we talked about my upcoming class with Holly Holliday. She didn't mention Quinn again.

We goofed off a little bit and danced around while making sure everything was stocked. Ashley tried to sing to a few songs, and she wasn't that bad. Definitely not as good as me, but those were few and far between.

She pushed me when I told her that, and continued to sing even louder.

I had to grab some stuff from the back before people started showing up. Time had started to go by quicker when I let myself stop worrying about Quinn so much.

Before I knew it the place was packed and people were screaming out drink orders as usual. Another guy was bartending with me, but he wasn't as quick as Ashley, and he didn't really talk or dance as much, therefore he wasn't as fun.

Ashley just sat on a bar stool and made me feed her liquor.

"Can I have – what are those drinks with the umbrellas?"

"Just get a margarita. You like margaritas, Kurt."

I froze at the voice.

"Right, can I have a margarita, please, Santana," Kurt asked excitedly.

I turned around to see Kurt with a big grin on his face and Quinn looking around nervously.

"Oh, and Quinn would like a gross drink," he grimaced.

"Um, a rum and coke would be fine, San, if you don't mind."

"Sure. It's my job," I simply stated and turned back around to grab the good liquor. I could be a bitch and still give them the good liquor.

I made their drinks and caught a glare from Ashley. Of course she caught me being bitchy.

"Thank you. Now, if you ladies excuse me, I believe Ashley promised me a dance."

Kurt grabbed Ashley's hand and sauntered off towards the dance floor.

I looked at Quinn who was full on staring at me now. She choked on her drink a little.

Frank walked by and told me it was time for my break. Great timing, Frank.

I walked out from the bar towards Quinn.

"She promised him a dance? She doesn't even know him."

"Yeah, she, well, she texted me earlier. She promised him a dance if we promised we would come down," she explained.

She didn't even have her number, though.

Quinn most have gotten what I was thinking.

"She probably took your phone when you weren't looking and got my number from it."

"Yeah, I'm going to have to hit her for that," I said.

"What? Sorry, it's a little hard to hear you."

"I said I'm going to have to deck her," I said a little louder.

The bass line in the song that was playing got louder.

"What?"

She still couldn't hear me. I leaned in closer.

"Nevermind," I laughed into her ear, completely forgetting about any anxious feelings. "I'm glad you came by."

My hand lingered on her arm as I leaned back to see her expression.

She gave me that fucking smile again. The one that makes me swoon. The one where she looks happy and nervous at the same time, her lip curled up to one side as her head ducks down.

I put my other hand on her chin and lifted her face back up to look at me. Those lips.

The kiss came flashing back into my mind, and it was everything I wanted to repeat over and over until I couldn't breathe.

She looked into my eyes, and her smile grew as she placed her hand on my waist.

She came closer to me, and started to whisper in my ear as my hand fell down to my side.

"San, I'm sorry."

I shook my head. She didn't need to be sorry for anything.

"No, I mean it. I didn't go to see my professor. I just needed to think. I went to see Kurt. I needed to talk."

Before I could calm myself down, my mouth took control.

I pulled away from her. "Kurt? I tell you something I've never told anyone about something that only you've made me feel and then you, Quinn, you fucking kiss me just to get up and leave to go fucking talk to Kurt? That's messed up," I yelled loud enough for probably half of the bar to hear.

I walked away before she could say anything back. She didn't have the right to defend herself. Kurt? She went to Kurt? Since when did she go to Kurt? I was her best friend. She could talk to me about anything.

I made my way outside and into the alleyway.

While contemplating whether I should climb the fire escape, Quinn grabbed my hand from behind me and pulled me around.

"San, will you just give me a minute to explain all of this shit?" she shouted, clearly feeling angry herself.

"All of this shit? Is that what I am, _Quinnie?_" I put emphasis on her nickname. "Is what we did just shit?"

"No. That's not what I meant. I was talking about me being a complete idiot."

"Yeah, well, you've got that part right. Going to fucking Kurt of all people." I wasn't even thinking about what I was saying. It was just all coming out. I don't even know why I felt so hurt. Maybe it's because I wanted her to kiss me, again, but it was seeming more unlikely by each passing second.

"You know what, fuck you. Fuck you for never realizing anything," she yelled. "I went to Kurt because he's the only one who's ever known." She shoved something like a piece of paper in my pocket and turned around, walking away.

"Known what? I know everything about you, Quinn." I reached in my pocket to pull out whatever she'd put in there. "We've been best friends since freshman year. What could he possibly know that I don't?"

"God, are you that fucking oblivious? Fuck, maybe you are. You never saw me before. I don't know why I thought that had suddenly changed," she screamed back at me. "Just read the fucking paper."

I unfolded the piece of paper.

In the tiniest letters I had ever seen on a piece of paper that looked like it had been held far too many times was something I didn't expect at all.

_"I loved you first_

_I know it's true_

_Because the world never stopped spinning before_

_When anyone else looked at you_

_Like the first time I could."_

I was dumbfounded. Love? Quinn loved me?

All of the memories came back to me. Our sleepovers and how she would cuddle closer into me. Any time she knew I was going to stay up all night to watch the stars, she'd always offer to come along and bring coffee and blankets. Any time she saw I was upset, she was the first person to comfort me. Fuck, that night she found me on the roof after cheer practice, she just held me for over an hour. She was always there. I just didn't really see how much. She was the only person who could fully climb my walls and see who I was, who wanted to see who I was. How could I not have seen her before, really seen her?

"Quinn," I tried to speak, choking on my own air. She made no indication that she was going to turn back around.

"Quinn, fuck. Quinn, come back, please," I chased after her.

"I'm a bitch and an idiot. I didn't see. I'm so sorry. If I had known to look, I would have had you in my arms a lot sooner than this," I whispered when I caught up to her and pulled her to face me, wrapping my arms around her waist.

A few tears fell from her eyes.

"San, you don't even know what you do to me," she said so quietly that I had to lean in even closer to hear. Can't say I wasn't happy to be closer.

"QB, you don't even know what you do to _me_," I smirked. "You drive me crazy. You make me want to scream. You do make me scream. You frustrate me to no end sometimes. You make me feel insane because all I want to do is be close to you. I don't think you could even know what kissing you does to me. You only kissed me once, and it's all I've been thinking about. Standing here with you right now, all I want to do is kiss you and never stop."

"For fucks sake, San, you can drop the nickname. Just call me baby, already," she giggled and pulled me in for a kiss.


	10. Chapter 10

**So, let me start off by saying that all of your reviews make me so happy. Thank you to niccici30 for giving me that extra motivation for writing this chapter.  
I'm so sorry that I haven't been able to update until now. School has been extra difficult.**  
**I know everyone loves happy times, and I really wanted this chapter to be all happy times, but for some reason I see Santana as someone that gets her ass kicked by life a lot, especially when things tend to be looking up. Please don't hate me for what I'm about to do. =/  
Oh, and as always, feel free to tell me what you think! **

* * *

This. This was everything I had ever wanted. I pulled Quinn's arms around my waist and backed into the wall of the bar.

Nothing could describe the feeling of having Quinn that close to me. Nothing could describe the feeling of her lips on mine.

I took a moment to take a breath as she looked at me with mischievous eyes. The next thing I knew, Quinn pushed me even further into the wall, and started to run her hands lower down my back. She began kissing down my jaw and over to just below my ear.

She knew exactly where my weak spot was.

"I meant it, you know," Quinn whispered into my ear in the most deliciously raspy voice I had ever heard right before she nibbled on my ear lobe.

"Fuck. What? Meant what?" I tried to ask, but ended up whimpering out.

Another giggle. Quinn hadn't giggled this much since freshman year. It seems to only happen when she was extremely happy or extremely turned on.

Or maybe I was the one who was really turned on.

I put my hands on her hips and grinded my body into hers.

She moaned into my ear. Such a beautiful sound that I never expected to elicit from her.

I definitely wasn't the only one turned on.

"When I said you had no idea how long I've wanted to do this," she bit my neck before placing a soft kiss on the sensitive skin. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to," another bite down my neck, this one a little rougher. It was sure to leave a mark. She kissed and licked at the spot just like she had done before. "Taste you," she finished.

Fuck, this woman was going to kill me, and I was going to love every minute of it.

A coughing noise seemed to come out of nowhere. It didn't seem to stop Quinn and her attack on my neck, but I had just enough will power in me to look in the direction of where the cough came from.

A nervous looking Kurt was staring at me while frantically tapping the side of his drink with his fingers.

I was going to kill him before Quinn had a chance to kill me.

"Ugh, can you not see that we're a little busy here," I strained my voice towards him.

Quinn finally looked up towards Kurt. She looked more pissed than I was.

"Obviously, I'm very happy for you two, but something is, um, calling your attention, Santana." What in the hell was he talking about. "I've already talked to Ashley, and she said she would finish your shift for you."

"Kurt," Quinn started in a stern voice.

"I'm really sorry," Kurt whispered and looked down. I didn't know what was going on, but the way Kurt apologized, I knew it was something bigger than I could probably imagine in that moment.

Quinn started to look anxious and put some distance between us.

What was Kurt sorry about, and why was Quinn just as nervous as him now?

"Okay, can someone please tell me what the fuck is going on." More of a statement than a question. My buzz had been killed. My mack hadn't gotten all the way on. Quinn said she wanted to fucking taste me right before we were rudely interrupted.

Quinn separated from me fully and made her way towards Kurt. They turned their backs on me, and started to whisper as they walked inside the bar.

What the actual fuck?

I followed them, still having no clue what was going on. When we got inside, I steered through the crowd towards Ashley.

Ashley gave me a sympathetic look with a half smile. "Just remember you're a badass."

What was that supposed to mean? "Will someone please fill me in on what is going on," I almost yelled. Ashley just gave me a shrug.

Kurt and Quinn were in the corner of the bar arguing over who knows what. Kurt tried to put his hand on Quinn's arm in what looked to be a comforting manner, but she swatted it away and wiped a tear away from her cheek.

Some sort of instincts that I didn't know I had took over, and I ran over to her. I took her into my arms and held her as close as possible without hurting her.

"Get the fuck away, gayface," I yelled at Kurt. He just put his hands in the air and backed up.

"What's wrong, Q? What's going on?" I tried to ask as I cupped her face in my hands. Another tear fell. "Hey, hey, it's going to be okay," I tried to reassure her.

She just nodded.

"I'm going to go home. I'll just see you when I see you, I guess," Quinn pushed a stray hair behind my ear and leaned in to give me a chaste kiss on the cheek.

"But, why? Q, you can't leave. Not again," I almost pleaded. As much as I didn't want her to know how much she affected me, I needed her not to leave.

"I can't be here for this," she said softly.

"Just wait for me, please. Quinn, please."

She stood there looking completely dejected.

I was totally lost. Didn't she just tell me she loved me in fucking poetry, nonetheless? Didn't we just kiss and finally start to be happy? She fucking giggled for Christ's sake. That was a good sign if there ever was one.

Kurt moved closer to me. I did not want to see his face. He was the cause of all of this.

"What the fuck did you do, Kurt? Why is she crying? We were fine, and then you said something to ruin it." Every word that came out of my mouth was full of venom. I was confused, but I was more pissed off. "I care about her, and she, she cares about me," I stuttered a bit. "I don't care how much you don't like it. I would never hurt her."

Kurt frowned and leaned closer to me so that only I could hear. "She really loves you. I really hope you mean it when you say you won't hurt her because she's almost here."

"Who's almost here? I'm getting really tired of this shit. If someone doesn't tell me real quick what's upsetting Quinn I'm going to start throwing punches."

But I didn't need for Kurt to answer me. My answer walked through the door, bouncing and gleaming. My jaw dropped a little as her eyes found mine through the crowd.

This wasn't happening. She couldn't possibly be here.

She ran to me, disregarding the slow pace of everyone around her. She jumped into my arms, which I had no choice to throw up, otherwise she would have fallen on her ass.

This was not going to go well.

Before I could stop her, she kissed me hard on the mouth.

I tried to push her off, but I wasn't fast enough. The damage had already been done. I caught the look on Quinn's face. She looked completely devastated. Kurt tried to stop her, but she pushed past him, and he had no other choice but to chase after her.

I set Brittany down. I didn't want this. I didn't want her. I wanted Quinn.

But why did I suddenly have butterflies in my stomach?

Apparently, Ashley saw what happened, and came over with a double whiskey in her hand.

Her timing was always impeccable.

I took the glass and swallowed its contents in record time. There was no way I could do this sober. I raised my eyebrow at her, and she got the idea. She ran back to the bar to get me another.

I focused my attention back on Brittany who looked just as happy as ever.

"What are you doing here?" I asked a little too harshly.

"Baby, I came to see you," she just grinned, not catching onto my tone.

"Please don't call me that." It didn't sound right. I didn't want her to call me that. I never did. Baby was reserved for Quinn. "We're not together anymore. You chose Sam. You told me to leave. I'm with-" I started before I realized that I didn't know what Quinn and I were. "I'm not with you anymore."

"Sam and I broke up. I missed our sweet lady kisses," she winked at me and tried to kiss me again. I dodged her kiss enough so that it landed on my cheek.

It didn't seem to bother her. Though, not much seemed to bother Brittany. That's what I loved about her. She never let anything hit too close to home. I guess it was that sort of innocence that I was envious of. I lost mine way too young.

Ashley came back with another drink, and I'm pretty sure I drank it faster than the first. Another sympathetic look before Ashley went back to work.

Brittany smiled down at me and grabbed my hand. In less than a few seconds we were on the dance floor.

She looked so happy moving to the beat of the music. I couldn't help but let a smile form on my lips. I loved seeing her find her passion in the way her body moved.

I danced along with her; her dancing was just that contagious. It was simple and easy. A nice rhythm formed, and I let my mind try and find some emptiness with the aid of the alcohol.

It didn't take long before I felt at ease, just swaying to the music. It was nice to just close my eyes and not think about anything. I opened them back up to see Brittany dancing expertly to the song that was playing.

If there was anything that Brittany loved the most, it was dancing. We had that in common. All three of us. Quinn, Brittany, and I loved to dance. Any time. Any place.

Quinn was a great dancer, too. I thoroughly enjoyed dancing with her. Moving my body with hers felt amazing and almost necessary, as if we were made to move so close together with such perfect timing.

Quinn.

Even though I was just dancing with Brittany, it felt wrong. It felt wrong because Quinn was upset.

Kurt must have told her that Brittany was coming while they were in the corner talking. Was this what she couldn't be here for? But she'd seen me dance with Brittany multiple times.

Did she think I still had feelings for Brittany? Was that what she was worried about? So much that it formed tears in her eyes. Brittany had kissed me, but anyone would've seen that I had no time to stop it.

Those butterflies I felt had nothing to do with Brittany, at least not in the sense that Quinn needed to be worried about. They were from me being nervous about Brittany seeing me in the place where I was finally starting to feel like I belonged. Brittany will always hold a place in my heart; that will never change, but it was different.

She didn't spark a fire of fear and excitement in me anymore.

I needed to go home. I needed to find Quinn. I needed to explain to her that she didn't have to worry about anything. She didn't have to worry about me walking away. Whether I knew it or not, I chose her that night on the roof after cheer practice.

"Britt, I have to go," I yelled over the music.

She frowned at me. Of course not dancing anymore would be the one thing that would make her pout.

"But we haven't even danced to a whole song, yet! And I've missed your sexy dance moves, Sanny," she grinned and pulled me closer, grinding her body into mine.

I'd be lying if I said the friction didn't feel good. I'm a horny bastard. I'll admit that. But I couldn't let myself go there with Brittany. After all, she was the one who taught me everything was better with feelings, and I had feelings for Quinn.

"I can't. I need to go see Quinn. I need to make sure she's okay," I said as I gently pushed her off of me.

"What's wrong with Quinn? Why did she leave? I thought she'd be happy to see me. I came here to be with you, but when I heard Quinn moved here and that you two were living together, I wanted to see her, too."

"I think she's upset. I think, I think maybe I did something. I don't know," I didn't really know the specifics of what Quinn was upset about. I didn't know if it was Brittany being here, her thinking I might still have feelings for Brittany, or maybe she just wanted to run away from me again. With Quinn, there was no telling. She had to state in certain words what was upsetting her or you would never know.

"What could you have done? You're perfect. That's why I love you."

Love. People have been using that word a little too often for me, lately.

"I'm definitely not perfect. I'm sure I'm the reason Quinn is upset. I tend to mess things up more than I realize."

"No you don't. San, I was wrong to let you leave. I messed us up. I should have made you stay. I should have ended it with Sam. I shouldn't have made the same mistake twice, like with Artie."

She looked genuinely sorry. What she didn't realize was that she didn't need to be.

"It's okay. I'm fine, really. You were right to tell me to leave. I needed that push, and I'm more than thankful for it. I'm sorry you and Sam didn't work out, but it wasn't a mistake for you to choose him. I ended up where I needed to be, at least it feels that way."

She looked at me curiously. "But San, don't you want to be with me? Don't you love me the most?"

How was I supposed to answer that?

I loved her, but not like before.

"Britt, ugh, the music is too loud. Come on, let's go outside."

"Okay, but can I get a drink first? You've had two already, and I haven't even had one. I want one like Kurt's, with the umbrella," she squealed.

I laughed. How could I not? "Of course, I'll go get it for you. Wait by one of those tables, and I'll be just a minute."

I made my way towards the bar where Kurt was.

"One whiskey and an umbrella drink like the one my very gay ex-friend has, please, barmaid," deadpanned, staring directly at Kurt as I emphasized the words 'ex-friend'.

"You call me barmaid, I call you wench. Got me?" Ashley gave me a stern look. "I saw that kiss. I'm not happy with you. This round is not on the house."

Shit. I forgot about the kiss. How was I going to explain that to Quinn? She had definitely seen it and promptly ran out right after.

"I've been having a nice talk with Kurt about your ex here. He also told me about Quinn. The other side you don't know about."

"What other side?" I looked at Kurt for an explanation.

"The side that I'm sure is in pain after watching you two lock lips," he said sadly.

Ashley slid me the drinks.

"I didn't mean for that to happen. I didn't want it to happen."

"The dancing then, what about that? Because you could've stopped that," Kurt asked.

"We barely touched." Okay, that was a lie, but I hadn't initiated it.

"Because rocking your body on someone else's is no longer considered hardcore touching," Ashley furrowed her brows at me.

"That was all her," I tried to defend. "I want Quinn. I want Quinn to barely touch me and hardcore touch me, not Brittany."

"Try explaining that to Quinn. I'm sure she didn't see it that way."

"But she didn't even see it. She left me again, and I stopped it right after."

"You sure she didn't see it," Kurt asked as he leaned his head to the side directing my attention to a table in the far back where Quinn was slumped down in her chair next to a giddy Brittany.

Fuck. Could this night get any worse?

"She didn't leave?" I asked as my voice broke. If Quinn saw us dancing then she probably thought I enjoyed it. I mean, I enjoyed it, but not because it was with Brittany. I would have rather been enjoying it with Quinn.

"Nope. She's been sitting at that table watching you two and drinking up a storm. My guess is she's probably past wasted right about now. I thought it was best to cut her off after her fifth shot of tequila."

"Ash, Quinn is who I want," I stated. "Not Brittany. Not anyone else. She doesn't even know how long she's had me."

"Funny, she said the same thing. Oh, and that'll be eleven dollars."

Kurt laughed, and I hit him on the shoulder.

"Ouch-ah! That was unnecessary."

I dug into my back pocket and pulled out a twenty. "Here, keep the change, barmaid."

"Why thank you, wench," she smiled.

I looked back over at Quinn and Brittany. This was not going to be fun, but I needed to talk to them.

I walked over and sat down across from them. I handed Brittany her umbrella drink.

"I would offer you my drink, but Ashley said she had to cut you off."

Quinn lifted her head, and I saw the glimmer of unshed tears in her eyes. It felt like someone knocked the breath right out of me. All I wanted to do was to wrap her up in my arms, take her home, and kiss her to sleep, even hold her hair back if she needed to vomit.

But that was going to be a little difficult with Brittany sitting right there.

"As I was telling Q, I'm here for the weekend to win you back, baby," Brittany exclaimed. A single tear fell down Quinn's face. "We can make it work this time, and I'm not giving up without a fight. I was, um, well, I was stupid to let you go."

Brittany never called herself stupid. She hated the word. She despised it.

I sighed and rubbed my temples to try and make my oncoming headache disappear.

Quinn didn't deserve this, whatever she was feeling to make her cry.

But Brittany didn't deserve to feel stupid, either.

"You're not stupid. You're a genius, remember?" I tried to smile.

"I'm going home. For real this time. I'm getting Kurt, and I'm going home," Quinn said completely expressionless.

"I'll come with you. I'll grab us a cab, okay?" Fuck. Was I messing this up? Was I saying the wrong things? I was trying to be a friend to Brittany. Couldn't Quinn tell how much I cared about her? She's the one who walked out on me after our first kiss and tried to leave after our second.

"No. You stay here with Brittany. You guys can work things out or whatever. Maybe you can fuck each other on the dance floor. Looked like you were about a second away from it earlier," she grumbled.

She did see.

"That sounds like a wanky idea, baby," Brittany smiled.

Dear Jesus, could she make this anymore horrible for me?

"Just like old times in your room."

Apparently she could.

"I asked you not to call me that," I hissed at her. Dammit, I didn't mean to sound so angry, but she really wasn't helping.

Quinn tried to get up and walk towards Kurt, but she stumbled as she passed my chair. I caught her in my arms before she could fall.

"Let me go," she whimpered, trying to wriggle out of my grasp.

"Baby, you can hardly stand up. Let me help you." All I wanted to do was to help her, to hold her, to do anything to make her not look like she was about to burst into tears.

"Baby?" Brittany whispered with curiosity.

Quinn and I both turned to look at Brittany.

"Why did you call Quinn baby if I can't call you baby? That doesn't make any sense." Brittany looked more confused than I had ever seen her. She kept staring at us. From Quinn to me. From me to Quinn. From Quinn's hand on my shoulder to my hands on Quinn's waist, gripping a little too tightly to be deemed just friendly.

"I don't understand," she simply stated.

Quinn stood up and backed away from my reach before I could stop her. "There's nothing to understand." Kurt came over and held onto Quinn so she didn't fall down again. "She's yours, just like she's always been."

"Quinn, don't." But I knew she would, and she did. She turned around and walked out of the bar.

How many times did that make this? Three times so far? Three times she's left me.

And here sat Brittany. She never left. Granted, she asked me to leave, but _she_ never once left me.

How many times did I need to chase after Quinn for her to get the message? She was the one who always had me. Maybe it didn't make a difference, not if I couldn't get her to stay.

Brittany leaned over and grabbed my hand as she drank from her umbrella drink, a smile back on her face.

"I knew you were mine," she gleamed.

My stomach dropped.

"I didn't think anyone would want to hear the wonderful and sexy moans that come out of your mouth when I get you alone and give you lady kisses, so I got us a hotel room for the weekend," she smirked. "I've really missed you, baby. Let me make it up to you."

I threw back my drink. If Quinn didn't want me enough to stay, then who was I to try and convince her when someone else was already waiting right in front of me?

Maybe I had it right in the first place before my heart was ever broken. Maybe things were better without feelings.

"Sure, let's go."


	11. Chapter 11

**I tried to update as quickly as possible. I hope this chapter will make you guys happy.  
I felt kind of rushed in writing it because I didn't like the way I ended the last chapter unresolved, but hopefully this isn't horrible.  
****Feel free to leave any reviews. Let me go ahead and say YOU GUYS BLEW ME AWAY with all of the reviews for the last chapter. Keep it up! It definitely motivates me and puts a ridiculous smile on my face. Thank you so much for reading this. =J**

* * *

"Do you want another drink before we go?" Brittany asked as she wrapped her arms around my waist.

It made me feel uncomfortable, but I shrugged my feelings off.

"Yeah, that's fine."

"What do you want? Something delicious to get you in the mood?" A spark of excitement lit her eyes.

"Um, mhm, surprise me," I replied without any enthusiasm.

Brittany walked towards the bar to get my drink.

Everything was so overwhelming. Just a few hours ago Quinn was telling me she loved me, and we were kissing. Quinn kissed me like I've never been kissed before. There was so much passion and need. I could try to explain it in words, but no words could do it justice.

Then Brittany showed up out of nowhere. She just threw herself at me while Quinn walked away.

Brittany made it obvious that she wanted me. Quinn didn't make it so obvious. I couldn't even tell what Quinn was thinking at the current moment. She was obviously upset at Brittany's sudden appearance, as was I, but she was so passive aggressive about it.

Why couldn't she just spell out what she was feeling? Why did she have to run away?

Then again, why couldn't I just spell out what I was feeling? Why couldn't I chase after her?

Quinn had me. She always had me. I may not have seen it so clearly before, but I certainly was now. Quinn was everything exciting and wonderful and absolutely terrifying that I wanted in my life.

It infuriated me that she could just leave a situation unresolved. But it also infuriated me whenever someone left the toilet seat up. Some things I would just have to learn to deal with. If I had to learn to deal with Quinn always wanting to walk away then I could learn to find a way to make her stay.

She was worth it, after all. She was the one person who made me feel safe. She was the only one in a crowded room that could grab my attention and keep it. She knew about all of the fucked up shit in my life. Instead of blaming me for every bad thing that happened, she threatened to hurt anyone that made it worse. She always accepted my insecurities and understood why they were there.

I didn't need to be at the bar with Brittany. I didn't need to go to a hotel with Brittany. I didn't need to fuck away the feelings.

I wanted the feelings, even if they would eventually tear me apart. I wanted it all. I wanted everything Quinn had to offer.

Quinn. Just Quinn.

Funny how she had me and she didn't even know it.

A small smile started to form on my face as Brittany reappeared with two drinks in her hand.

"That's the beautiful smile I remember," Brittany smirked.

I took a swig from my drink without checking to see what it was first. One more drink before I told Brittany it was really over. One more drink before I told her I loved Quinn.

The moment the harsh liquor hit my tongue, I spit it out.

"Brittany, what the fuck?" I exclaimed.

"What? Is it spoiled? I'll tell that bartender to fuck off and get you a fresh drink."

"Brittany, no. For one, that bartender is my friend and you'll do no such thing as to tell her to fuck off. Two, this is Scotch. What were you thinking? You know I hate Scotch." I had an incredulous look on my face at her audacity to insult Ashley when she didn't even know her and the fact that she brought me the worst drink anyone could ever bring me.

She may not know the reasoning as to why I hate Scotch, but she knew I hated it. Fucking everyone in the state of Ohio knew I hated Scotch. I banned it from all my parties. I even made a point to pour it out at any parties I went to.

"I thought maybe you changed your mind. You like butterscotch now and you didn't before," she said sadly when she realized how upset I was.

I promised myself I would never drink that fucking liquor ever in my life.

The taste burned in my mouth.

"It's not the same thing, Brittany." I set the glass down and rubbed my temples. "Nothing is the same."

Here it comes.

"What do you mean, baby?"

"You can't call me that, Britt. You have no right, and it's, it's reserved for, for someone else."

"What are you talking about?" she asked with a little more worry in her voice.

"I can't do this with you. I'm not your baby. You told me to leave, and I did. It was one of the best decisions of my life. Sure, I don't make that much money, and I don't exactly have a college degree, but I'm working towards my dreams, towards something I love and am passionate about. I work at an awesome job with an awesome coworker who's turned out to be a really good friend. And then there's Quinn," I paused.

"Quinn. _And then there's Quinn._ Really? I told you to go chase after something as big as you, not to go chase after _Quinn. _I'm glad you're going after your dreams, but you can do that with me. You don't need Quinn." Brittany snatched up my glass of Scotch and downed it before taking her glass and doing the same.

How could anyone drink that filth? It was going to bring out something in Brittany, I just knew it. I never had a good experience with Scotch, and I had a feeling this time wouldn't be any different.

"Quinn hasn't even been around for the past two years. You've been with me. I'm the one you love the most." Her voice started to sound a little mean, and it was something I wasn't used to.

"She was always there. I just didn't see it."

"No, she wasn't there. I made sure of that," she laughed angrily.

"What, what are you talking about?" I had no idea what that was supposed to mean.

"You can't tell me you never saw the way she looked at you or saw all of those stupid poems she would write about you. She's loved you since the first day we all met."

The look on my face was pure astonishment.

"You really don't know." Brittany just laughed again before walking away towards the bar.

I just stood there with a confused look on my face, trying to fit pieces together. Quinn's loved me for that long? Of course I read her writing, but she would have told me if it was about me, right?

Brittany came back with two more drinks in her hand.

Scotch. Again.

"Here's to your favorite drink," she said and took a big swig. Low blow.

It felt like watching my father all over again. I thought I had gotten away from that.

"Brittany you need to slow down. You need to stop," I took the other glass of Scotch from her hand and set it down on the table.

"No, you don't get to tell me what to do. Not after I did so much for us. I told Quinn to back off. Evidently she stopped taking my advice as soon as I wasn't around."

What in the holy fuck.

I couldn't stop the anger if I had tried. "You did what? When? Why would you do that?" Venom spewed from my words as I stepped closer to Brittany.

Brittany had never been this cruel before. I had never seen this side of her. Maybe it was the Scotch. It had to be the Scotch.

"I love you the most," she yelled. "After Quinn came by to tell me she was worried about you that day after cheer practice when you couldn't focus on anything to save your life, that's when I knew for sure Quinn was head over heels for you. Of course, I knew you liked her, but you liked me, too. You just didn't know how to face it, yet. I couldn't let Quinn get in the way of us. So, I told Quinn that you only liked me and that she needed to back off."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Brittany was so full of innocence and love. How could she have done that? It wasn't possible.

"I mean, she doesn't even know you like I do. No one knows you like I do," she slurred and picked up the glass again. I didn't even make any attempt to stop her. I didn't care. If she wanted to drink that shit then the she could. She could do whatever the fuck she wanted at this point.

"You know me, huh? Why do I like the stars? Why do I like acting? Why do I despise Scotch? Can you answer any of those questions?"

"What are you talking about, baby? What does any of that matter?"

"If you call me that one more time." Stop. I just needed to take a breath. Brittany was still a good person. That was just the Scotch talking. "Quinn was worried about me because my father beat the shit out of me the night before, and she went to you for help. She was being selfless. She was putting me first. And all of these years she's stepped out of the way so you could just have me like some prize to be fought over. But you haven't had me Brittany. Yes, I loved you, but she's had me since that night. I can't deny that anymore, and I won't."

"Your, your father beat you?" All of the sudden every harsh line in Brittany's face disappeared and was replaced with shock and sadness.

"Yeah, it's fine. It doesn't matter. I'm not around him anymore." My mind was racing with anger. Quinn's loved me since day one, but Brittany got in the way of it.

How different would things have been if she hadn't told Quinn to back off? Would we be together now? Would I have ever loved Brittany?

"Fuck. San, I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I just, I didn't know. I love you the most. I want to love you the most," she said quietly.

Her voice just swam through the bar. Part of me wasn't paying attention. Quinn was all I wanted to hear and see.

"I didn't mean all of those things I said. I'm drunk, and I love you. I just want you to love me back, but when I saw you holding Quinn when I walked in tonight, I knew you finally figured it out. I knew you figured out that you love her. I wanted to stop it. I wanted you to love me the most again."

She looked so distraught. As much as I hated it in that moment, seeing her pain, hurt me. I loved Brittany once upon a time, and nothing can change that. I wouldn't take it back if I could. She taught me things no one else could have.

"Santana, I want to make you happy, but obviously, I'm not doing a very good job at it, and apparently, I don't know you as well as I thought I did or as much as Quinn does. I was wrong. I was wrong to tell her to back off, to try and choose for you. I'm so sorry." Tears started filling her eyes.

I couldn't help but comfort her. She still had so much good in her, despite how she went about getting us together. What she did was wrong, but she did it because she cared about me. She was never one to go about things the way most people did. Comforting her didn't mean I was over what happened, it just meant part of me understood.

I held her in my arms and let her cry a while before I tried to talk again. "It's whatever. It's in the past. But Brittany, we're really over. When you saw me with Quinn tonight, you were right. I do love her. I always have. That doesn't mean that I didn't love you because I did. You'll always hold a special place in my heart, but Quinn has me, more than I even think I have myself."

I wiped away her tears, and tried to calm her down. Don't get me wrong, there were pieces of me that were utterly infuriated with her, but this was still Brittany, and I hated hurting her, which was exactly what I was doing in telling her we were really over.

I called a cab to take Brittany to her hotel. She apologized about a million times, saying she didn't know about my father and that she shouldn't have done what she did, but that she did it out of love. After the millionth and one apology, I couldn't take it anymore.

It was better to forgive, right?

"It's okay, Britt. I forgive you. We all ended up where we needed to be, right? Well, at least, close enough." I still needed to get to Quinn and sort everything out.

I put her in the cab and told her I'd call her in the morning to check on her.

I didn't have time to babysit her to the hotel. I needed to find Quinn. I needed to chase after her. I needed to prove to her that she was the one that I wanted. She'd been there all along. She'd never really left. I was just too stupid to notice.

I got to our apartment a little bit later, and there was no sign of Quinn. Fuck, maybe she was at Kurt and Rachel's. I dug out my phone to try and call her.

"Come on, Quinn, pick up." A few rings before my call was obviously rejected and it went to voicemail.

I felt a little hazy from the alcohol, but I was on a mission, and I'd be fucked if I got off course or let anything get in my way.

I tried to call Quinn a few more times, but she just wouldn't answer. I guess I couldn't blame her. From her point of view, my ex came back and I let her kiss me, grind me on the dance floor, and I did absolutely nothing to explain myself or to stop it.

I tried to call Kurt, too, but he didn't answer, either. I even sent a few hundred texts to Rachel.

Still no answer.

It was official. I was a complete idiot, and the universe was shoving it down my throat. I didn't even know that Quinn had liked me for so long. Oh, I definitely had some groveling ahead of me.

I walked out of our apartment, slamming the door before locking it and started making my way towards Kurt and Rachel's.

What if there was a reason no one was answering? What if something happened to Quinn? Panic started to rise in me, and I decided to run my way to her.

* * *

"She loves her, Kurt. Did you not see the way Brittany jumped in her arms and kissed her? That's called passion," Quinn slurred into Kurt's ear as they made their way into his apartment building.

"Um, no dear, that's called utter surprise. What I walked in on between you and Santana would be called passion. She didn't look like she wanted to let go. She also looked like she wanted to stab me for interrupting."

"She really is a good kisser. You should kiss her, you'd love it. You'd be straight after." Quinn giggled as Kurt gave her a terrified look. "Better yet, maybe you shouldn't. I'm kind of in love with her, and as funny as it would be to see you kissed straight, I don't want Santana's lips anywhere near yours. No offense."

"Absolutely none taken. You can have Santana. I don't want her. She's all yours," Kurt replied.

A wave of sadness fell over Quinn's features. Santana wasn't Quinn's.

After a few flights of stairs and a few stumbles, they were finally up to Kurt's apartment.

The door swung open before Kurt even had a chance to pull out his keys.

Rachel stood in the doorway with her cell phone in her hand and an annoyed look on her face.

"Good, you two are here. Would one of you like to explain to me why I have more than twenty text messages from Santana filled with apologies and questions as to where you two are? I need exactly eight hours of sleep a night to be fully rested, and she's been blowing up my phone enough to wake up all of New York City."

Kurt just looked at Rachel sympathetically before looking at Quinn who had her phone out, scrolling through the numerous text messages she had received from Santana, all unanswered. One message caught her eye that she hadn't noticed before. A text from Brittany that said her and Santana were going back to her hotel room. Everything inside of Quinn began to ache ten fold.

"We're not exactly talking to Santana right now," Kurt tried to explain.

"Can you start? If I get one more-" Rachel's phone went off with the notification of a new text. She sighed in exasperation before opening it. "Seriously? What does this even mean? '_I get it, you're protecting her, but Britt doesn't have me like she does. It's not what it looked like. I sent her back to her hotel alone_. _Please tell me she's okay._' What is she talking about," Rachel asked. "Is Brittany here?"

"Ugh, yes, Brittany is here. She came here to sweep Santana off of her beautiful fucking feet," Quinn answered.

"Why do you seem upset about it?" Kurt gave Rachel a look that could only be translated as you need to shut the fuck up, you have no idea what you're talking about right now. "What? They're friends, aren't they?" Rachel questioned, confusion plastered all on her face.

"Isn't that the question of the evening. Are they friends or more? Kiss me then kiss her then fuck her then fuck off. Like Santana even knows how to make up her mind," Quinn mumbled as she fell over onto the couch face first.

"Kiss you? Really? Fuck, it's about time. I saw that coming forever ago. Now, I see why you're upset," Rachel stated.

Quinn lifted her head up to stare at Rachel just as Kurt did the same.

"What? I have two gay dads. I can see the signs from a mile away. Not to mention how much you two flirt. You both think you're the only one who likes the other, but it's pretty clear you're both in love. You just needed to connect the dots and get on the same page."

Kurt burst into laughter. "All this time, you knew, and you didn't tell me? I figured it out because Quinn is as subtle as a brick in the face, but you never let on that you knew. I thought we were friends. I'm thoroughly disappointed in your secret sharing," Kurt said with a hint of attitude.

"Oh, please. I knew you knew, too. There was no need in me talking about it when it wasn't any of my business. I figured when they were ready to talk about it, they would, but until then, it was none of _your_ business, either," Rachel remarked.

Everything inside of Quinn felt numb. She was glad to have the aid of alcohol, but knew she would regret it in the morning. Right now, though, she didn't care. Anything to not picture Santana with Brittany.

"Now that we all know my business, can we shut the fuck up about it? Santana made her choice. She's with Brittany."

"No, I'm not," a voice came from the entrance of the apartment.

* * *

Every head turned in my direction. I guess I looked pretty horrible. I practically ran here. When no one decided to answer their phone, I got a little worried and a little pissed off.

"You, Quinn Fabray, are a fucking idiot," I said as I walked towards her.

"Well, that'll sure win you some points, Santana," Kurt commented.

"Shut up." I didn't need him getting in the way of this.

"But I'm an even bigger idiot," I relented. "For not seeing you, for letting you slip past my fingers. I finally had you in my arms, and I let you walk away without explaining what you mean to me. I won't do that again, even if you're so fucking mad at me you can't stand it because trust me, I'm just as mad at myself."

Quinn sat up fully on the couch, trying to gain focus in her drunken state, which was looked to be a little difficult.

"She kissed me, and I danced with her. I shouldn't have. You scare the life out of me, and for a moment I just wanted to empty my head out. You can't throw me for a loop and expect me to stand up straight right after."

"As if she could be anything close to straight," Kurt whispered to Rachel, who nudged him and giggled in response.

"You're supposed to be with Brittany. She texted me and told me she was taking you back to her hotel," Quinn said with an air of impatience.

"Seriously, I hate Scotch."

"What?"

"Nothing." But seriously, I fucking hated Scotch. "I'm not supposed to be with Brittany, and that's not for you or anyone else to decide, but me. She told me what she did, telling you to back off. She had no right." I sat on my knees in front of the couch so we were face to face. "Quinn, I'm so unbelievably sorry. I messed up. I need you to know that I'll try my hardest to never mess up again. It'll happen because I'm an idiot sometimes, but I'll promise to never mean to screw up."

"Quinn, I'm supposed to be with you. You're the only one who really gets me, who hates me and loves me at the same time. You're the only one who puts me first, even when you shouldn't. You know about my father. You've torn down every wall I've ever tried to put up." A smile started to form on my face.

I was doing it. I wasn't chickening out, and I wasn't running away.

"Do you know what I realized on the walk, well, the run over here?"

The quietest "what" came out of Quinn's mouth, and if I hadn't have been in the middle of explaining myself, I would have captured those lips in mine just to show her how fucking adorable she was.

"When I look up at the stars, I'm not searching for myself anymore, not like I used to. I already know who I am. I'm looking for a sense of safety. The stars only bring me a piece of that, but you, Quinn, you bring it all. You make me feel safe and everything else a person could feel. You are who I search for every night before I go to bed. It's always been you."

I could hear a squeal coming from one of the loser twins, but I couldn't have cared less. Let them hear whatever I had to say. I wasn't afraid of them knowing or anyone knowing how I felt.

"I know why you got upset. You thought I chose her, but I could never choose her, not again. I could never call her baby, not the whole time we were together, did you know that? That was always meant for you, even though it took me a while to figure it out. I could never tell her the things I can tell you. I can't tell anyone what I can tell you. You know about my father. You know everything about me." Her face remained blank, but I knew I had to keep going.

"You smell like tulips, and you talk in your sleep about the ocean and how the waves are your favorite. You talk endlessly about Dickens and Sylvia Plath, and I never get bored, despite not understanding most of what you're trying to explain to me. You're the sexiest, most beautiful person I've ever seen when you're yawning right after waking up and your hair is all messy and you have no make-up on. Whenever you write or doodle or do anything with your hands, I just want to grab them and hold them in mine, and never let go. I have loved you since the night you found me on my roof crying my eyes out. You came to me with no judgment, only comfort and the offer of safety. I love how you hate wearing socks. I love how you walk like you're moving towards something that's got to be the most important thing in the world, even if you're just walking to the stove to make bacon." She chuckled a little at that. A good sign, I hoped.

"I love how you make me feel terrified, happy, sad, excited, and foolish all at the same time. But mostly, I love you because I'm awful at explaining myself, especially after I've fucked up, but you're sitting here listening to me anyways."

I took a really big breath of fresh air. That was a little more than I had anticipated on saying, especially with Kurt and Rachel around, but it needed to be said.

I felt a little bad because halfway through my speech, tears had started to fall from Quinn's eyes. But if I had stopped to wipe them away, I would have lost my nerve and never finished telling her what she needed to hear.

She just stared at me with no expression on her face for what felt like forever. In reality, it was probably only a few minutes, but when you throw your heart out there, one can only hope it'll be caught, and you won't be left hanging, and time ticks by a little slower.

"Are you done?" was all that Quinn said.

I was taken aback a little at the brash question.

"Um, yeah, I mean, no, um, not if you don't understand how much I love you. Then I'm definitely not done, and I'll continue trying to convince you however I can that I want you, and as many times as you try and walk away, I'm going to grab your hand and chase after you. It's my turn to follow you. In a non-creeper kind of way, of course. Now, I'm rambling because I feel like an even bigger idiot than before, but that doesn't matter because you're wonderful, and no, no, I'm not done. I'm just getting started loving you," I said with a sense of assertiveness at the end.

I wasn't giving up.

"Okay."

"Okay? That's it? That's all you have to say? I pour my heart out, and all you can tell me is okay?"

"Yes."

"Oh my god, you're ridiculous." Was she fucking serious? Did she not just hear my speech?

"No, I'm not, but I am sleepy."

"I don't even know how to handle you right now, Quinn," I exclaimed as I threw my hands in the air. "I practically run here because you won't answer my calls. I'm worried sick about you because who knows what's happened to you since you left the bar wasted with only a stick man to help you out in case a psycho is on the loose. But I get here, and you're not murdered, so I lay everything out on the table and you tell me you're sleepy. That's it. You're sleepy."

"Yes, and a little drunk."

This woman could drive me insane.

"Well, would you like me to take your drunken ass home and put you to bed, then? You'll have to sleep in my bed again since your sheets still aren't washed from your clumsy ass spilling orange Fanta everywhere."

"Yes, please."

"I hate you and love you so much right now. You don't even know." Oh she could drive me crazy, but she was fucking adorable all the same.

"I do know because this is exactly how you make me feel," she said matter-of-factly.

Touche.

"Well, would you also like for me to _carry_ you home in my arms, then? To make up for my idiocy, of course," I started to smile.

"I expect nothing less," she smiled back. Finally.

"Fuck you."

And I pulled her into me, kissing her with every ounce of passion I had. It was a little sloppy, but the love was definitely there.

She wrapped her arms around my neck and moaned into the kiss. God, she could take my breath away. Just as I was about to deepen the kiss, a cough rang through the apartment.

We both stopped and turned to look at Kurt with death glares.

"Do you make it a point to interrupt us, Kurt?" Quinn asked.

"Well, not that this isn't lovely for the two of you, but maybe Santana _should_ carry you to your own apartment where you two can get your freak on without making Rachel and I watch."

"Hey, no one is making you two watch. You could have left at any moment," I laughed.

"You do realize this is our apartment, right?" Rachel asked. "And I really do need my sleep. I have an early rehearsal tomorrow. I would have gotten my full night's rest if you two had decided to not have been fools and told each other about your feelings years ago."

"I was never good with timing," I shrugged. "But at least I'm here now," I said as I turned my head back to face Quinn and gave her another kiss.

I could definitely get used to feeling of Quinn's lips on mine. She felt like home, the home I always wanted.

We both stood up. Quinn had to try a little harder to gain her balance, but I held onto her waist to make sure she didn't fall.

She looked at me with one eyebrow raised. Oh. She was serious.

I bent down so that she could get on my back for me to carry her home.

She hopped on and started to laugh.

"What's so funny? Other than the fact that I'm about to carry you a few blocks home?" I asked.

She leaned into my ear. "Just never thought I'd be riding you like this," she giggled.

A half drunken Quinn making delicious sex jokes in my ear.

"Just wait until we get home. I have a lot of things to apologize for, and I think you may like the way I say I'm sorry," I smirked at her.

Her grip on me tightened, and she placed a kiss on my cheek right before nibbling my ear lobe.

I don't think it would be possible to ever get enough of Quinn Fabray.


End file.
